IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it is more imprtant to spend money on roads and motorwawys than on public transport system such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, many
people
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 have argued that investing in infrastructure is essential rather than the
system
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 of public
transport
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. The author of
this
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 essay completely disagrees with
this
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 statement
due to
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 the fact that it is excessive and public
transport
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 can have many cultural values.
To begin
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 with, it should be acknowledged that there is an enormous amount of money spent on roads, and they have brought many positive results.
For example
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, there are more highways than there used to be, which reduces a significant amount of time for transportation, leading to a higher living standard since
people
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 can have more time for working and studying, which results in
promtion
Correct your spelling
promotion
 and a higher income.
In contrast
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, public
transport
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 like trains and trams is being ignored, and
this
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 predicament will cause deterioration in these
systems
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.
For instance
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, there was an electric tram
system
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 within Ha Noi in the past,
and
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 now it
disappears
Wrong verb form
has disappeared
show examples
,
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if you want to go to Ha Noi from Ho Chi Minh
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
, you will have to sit on the train for nearly two days, and
this
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system
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 is not united, which means you have to change your train many times.
As a result
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, it is time-consuming, and it will discourage
people
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 from using public
transport
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, which is one of the main reasons for traffic jams
as well as
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 pollution.
To sum up
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, it will be wasteful and unnecessary to keep spending money on roads and motorways, as these
systems
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 are brilliant
while
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 the others are horrible, and they can have more practically positive effects on the environment. Another point that needs to be considered is that these public
systems
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 can have mental effects on the residents. The electric tram
system
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 in Hanoi, as an example, not only provided an effective means of
transport
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 but
also
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 played a vital role in the childhood of Vietnamese
people
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 and well as a prevailing topic for writers and poets during that time. Until now, a large number of
people
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 still wish that the government would rebuild
this
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 public
transport
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system
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 in the same way as many Western countries have done. For these reasons, should the government spend its money on renovating public
transport
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systems
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, the happiness rate will rise dramatically because residents will see parts of their childhood revived and appreciated by younger generations. In conclusion,
this
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 writer supports the statement that the government should focus on public
transport
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 and its
system
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 for a better future for mankind, both physically and mentally.
This
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 essay has enough pieces of evidence to prove the writer's point of view.

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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the given task by discussing both roads and public transport. However, some arguments could be more developed to provide a more comprehensive perspective.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that every point made is expanded with examples or explanations. This will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, with clear introduction and conclusion. However, make sure every paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain a seamless flow.
coherence cohesion
Using a clear structure with topic sentences and well-developed paragraphs would enhance the coherence and logical flow of your essay. This way, each paragraph will effectively support your main argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples like the electric tram in Hanoi adds depth to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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