IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The health benefits of physical exercise are well known. Despite this, many people do not exercise regularly. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to encourage them to exercise regularly?

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Even though the majority of
people
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 are aware of the positive impact
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical exercise has, still a lot of
people
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 choose to be ignorant.
This
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 essay will discuss the potential causes and how the situation can be improved. First of all, despite
people
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 acknowledging the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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advantages of physical activity, most of them choose to do it regularly
due to
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 different priorities. These days, to earn enough money the person should
work
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 hard for it,
therefore
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, a successful career is more essential for some
people
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, than exercising. They put
work
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 in the first place of their priorities,
hence
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 neglecting the
one
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 vital factor
that is
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 responsible for their productivity and efficiency throughout the day -
health
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. Continuing to prioritise
work
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 before
health
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 leads to serious consequences in the future, where the person's well-being starts to suffer.
According to
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a
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apply
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recent research, residents of Japan are considered to be
one
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 of the most hardworking
people
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 around the globe.
However
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, they
also
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 have
one
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 of the highest percentages in the number of
people
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 who have exhaustion.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 shows exactly what can the person have if they do not focus on their
health
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.
Secondly
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, some
people
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 have difficulties doing exercises because of their state of
health
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. Nowadays, some
people
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 already suffer from either chronic illnesses, disabilities, or other conditions that prevent them
doing
Change preposition
from doing
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 regular
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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. Take
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for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 example,
people
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 with disabilities; they require special equipment to exercise.
Furthermore
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, unfortunately not every town and physical centre can provide that,
thus
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 it limits the opportunities for
people
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 to
work
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 out. To improve the situation and encourage
people
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 to start leading a healthier lifestyle place of
work
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 should provide an annual subscription to a sports facility. Companies can make it
as
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apply
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a necessary part of every job.
People
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 are obliged to visit
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 at least
one
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 or two times a week.
Furthermore
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, these
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 facilities have to acquire
set
Add an article
a set
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 of
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 specifically for
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have
health
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 restrictions and need modification in their training. In conclusion,
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
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 set of priorities and the lack of tools for
people
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 with disabilities lowers the number of
people
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 who exercise regularly. To make
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 situation better it is good to consider providing subscriptions to
Correct article usage
the gym
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gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
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 from the
work
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 of placement,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
also
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accessible to
people
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 with different types of
health
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 conditions.

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt and includes relevant points. However, improving the logical structure and the flow between ideas could enhance overall clarity. Sometimes, the transitions between arguments feel abrupt.
task achievement
Consider using more specific examples or statistics to support the points made. This can make the argument more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. For instance, instead of general references, use precise data to illustrate the impact of work on health or the lack of facilities for disabled individuals.
coherence
Work on the logical structure and flow. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next and that all points are connected in a coherent manner. This can be achieved by using more transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph builds on the previous one.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present a good summary. However, consider refining the conclusion to reinforce the main points more effectively. Restate the significance of encouraging regular exercise and summarise the key solutions more succinctly.
task achievement
The essay covers all parts of the task, addressing both the reasons why people do not exercise regularly and suggesting potential solutions.
coherence
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, ensuring that it is well-rounded and offers a summary of the main points discussed.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples and some supporting details, such as the reference to Japan and the needs of disabled individuals.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • hectic
  • commitments
  • discourages
  • accessibility
  • awareness campaigns
  • diverse
  • longevity
  • feasible
  • seamlessly
  • initiatives
  • affordable
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