Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In the modern era, the phenomenon of consumerism

becomes

Wrong verb form

has become

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increasingly popular among the young generation, they tend to spend the majority of their free

time

Use synonyms

doing joy shopping and it has caused some concerns relating to the drawbacks on youngsters and their communities.

This

Linking Words

writer agrees with

this

Linking Words

belief because of the individuals' financial burden and the low-quality workforce.

To begin

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with, it is vital to understand that a reckless expense habit can result in

individual'

Correct your spelling

individual

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bankruptcy. It must be considered that adolescents are inexperienced, they are not fully equipped with the experience to apply for a well-paid job. Because of that, their income

remain

Change the verb form

remains

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relatively low, just enough for daily needs.

However

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, being attracted to the hobbies of shopping

together with

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their immaturity, there will be an imbalance between income and outcome. Over

time

Use synonyms

, it will be unable to afford daily needs and bankruptcy is inevitable.

For instance

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, many Vietnamese teenagers are so fond of buying online products that they are left with no money

at the end

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of each month, relying on package noodles to survive.

Furthermore

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, spending ages on shopping can

also

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have a negative effect on the workforce's quality. It must be acknowledged that joy shopping is just a way to relax, allowing the youth to satisfy themselves without any useful development in skills that can be applied in later life.

In other words

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, their precious free

time

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is being wasted.

Instead

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of that, youngsters can make use of their free

time

Use synonyms

to work on aspects which are necessary for their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

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As a consequence

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, there will be more

skilful

Replace the word

skilled

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workers, helping the whole country to develop. In conclusion, spending too much

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

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shopping can negatively impact one's financial status and the workers' condition.

Hence

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this

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essay has provided clear points to demonstrate the author's agreement with the statement that shopping causes disadvantages to young adults and nations.

Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhàTue May 28 2024

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task achievement

To score higher, make sure your arguments are fully fleshed out and deeply analyzed. This could include exploring more dimensions of the issue or presenting counterarguments.

coherence cohesion

While the essay is logically structured overall, you could make transitions between paragraphs smoother to enhance the overall flow.

coherence cohesion

Further develop each paragraph to elaborate on your points in greater detail. This will help in making your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.

introduction conclusion present

You have successfully provided a structured introduction and conclusion.

relevant specific examples

The inclusion of relevant examples, like the Vietnamese teenagers, helps to illustrate your points effectively.

logical structure

Your essay maintains a logical flow which makes it easy to follow along with your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

313 words

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Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Your opinion

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Some think schools should rewards students who have the best academic results, while others think it’s more important to reward students who achieve other types of success (such as sports, music, and good behavior). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Children all over the world should learn to speak a single, universal language fluently in addition to their native language. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that work is the most important thing in people's lives. Without the success of a career, life will become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?