Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In the modern era, the phenomenon of consumerism
becomes
increasingly popular among the young generation, they tend to spend the majority of their free Wrong verb form
has become
time
doing joy shopping and it has caused some concerns relating to the drawbacks on youngsters and their communities. This
writer agrees with this
belief because of the individuals' financial burden and the low-quality workforce.
To begin
with, it is vital to understand that a reckless expense habit can result in individual'
bankruptcy. It must be considered that adolescents are inexperienced, they are not fully equipped with the experience to apply for a well-paid job. Because of that, their income Correct your spelling
individual
remain
relatively low, just enough for daily needs. Change the verb form
remains
However
, being attracted to the hobbies of shopping together with
their immaturity, there will be an imbalance between income and outcome. Over time
, it will be unable to afford daily needs and bankruptcy is inevitable. For instance
, many Vietnamese teenagers are so fond of buying online products that they are left with no money at the end
of each month, relying on package noodles to survive.
Furthermore
, spending ages on shopping can also
have a negative effect on the workforce's quality. It must be acknowledged that joy shopping is just a way to relax, allowing the youth to satisfy themselves without any useful development in skills that can be applied in later life. In other words
, their precious free time
is being wasted. Instead
of that, youngsters can make use of their free time
to work on aspects which are necessary for their career
. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
As a consequence
, there will be more skilful
workers, helping the whole country to develop.
In conclusion, spending too much Replace the word
skilled
time
on
shopping can negatively impact one's financial status and the workers' condition. Change preposition
apply
Hence
, this
essay has provided clear points to demonstrate the author's agreement with the statement that shopping causes disadvantages to young adults and nations.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Further develop each paragraph to elaborate on your points in greater detail. This will help in making your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
introduction conclusion present
You have successfully provided a structured introduction and conclusion.
relevant specific examples
The inclusion of relevant examples, like the Vietnamese teenagers, helps to illustrate your points effectively.
logical structure
Your essay maintains a logical flow which makes it easy to follow along with your arguments.
Your opinion
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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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