IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Growing up in the city is better for children's development, and it helps them have a good life later on compared to living in the village. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is widely believed that living in the
city
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 is convenient compared to the village. Some people think raising
children
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 in the
city
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 is better for their development. Both have their own benefits, but in my opinion, living in the
city
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 will
better
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be better
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 for
children
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's living for two reasons. One of the main reasons why people want to live in the
city
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 is that the infrastructure is
well established
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well-established
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. From my experience, I grew up living in Seoul, which is the capital
city
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 of South Korea. So, I had no problem
about
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with
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 public transportation, shopping, etc in my life. When I traveled to rural
area
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areas
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, it got dark earlier compared to Seoul and less convenient stores to buy things. When it comes to sickness, you might have problems. I had a bad cold when I was
traveling
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travelling
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, but there
were
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was
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 no emergency room near me. So my parents had to drive
go
Verb problem
apply
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to
hospital
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the hospital
a hospital
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 for over an hour.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the educational gap between villages and cities is quite big. In South Korea, unless you study in a specialized high school, your grades will definitely drop when you transfer from a village to a
city
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. When you go to university, urban environments typically offer more job opportunities and internships, which can benefit
children
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 as they transition into adulthood, making them more competitive in the job market. To summarise, living in the
city
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 is better than living in the village for two reasons. If you want your
children
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 to live with
well established
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well-established
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 infra and good education, you should consider living in the
city
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. Growing up in a
city
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 allows
children
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 to interact with peers from various backgrounds, helping them develop important social skills, teamwork, and adaptability, which are crucial for future success in a globalized world.

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task achievement
Ensure that your opinion is clearly stated in the introduction. A more explicit thesis statement can enhance the clarity of your position.
coherence
While your essay has a clear structure, try to improve the flow between points by using more linking phrases, especially at the beginning of new paragraphs.
task achievement
Adding more specific examples or statistics, especially regarding children's development benefits in urban settings, could strengthen your arguments further.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion and provided rational reasons to support your stance, which is important in IELTS essays.
coherence
Your personal experience in Seoul adds credibility and relatability to your argument, effectively engaging the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • diverse
  • educational resources
  • cultural exposure
  • empathy
  • creativity
  • social skills
  • interaction
  • adaptability
  • globalized world
  • healthcare services
  • medical facilities
  • well-being
  • career opportunities
  • competitive
  • job market
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