IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that parents should limit their children hours of watching tv and playing computer games, but encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree.

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The debate over how much
screen
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time
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children
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 should have compared to reading is a significant one, as it touches on various aspects of child
development
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, education, and well-being. I agree that parents should limit their
children
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's hours of watching
TV
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 and playing computer
games
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while
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 encouraging them to read
books
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. Here are several reasons supporting
this
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 viewpoint. First and foremost, excessive
screen
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time
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 has been linked to various negative effects on
children
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's health and
development
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. Studies have shown that too much
TV
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 or gaming can lead to issues
such
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 as obesity, sleep problems, and impaired social
skills
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.
In contrast
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, reading promotes mental stimulation, imagination, and cognitive
development
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, which are essential for a child's growth.
Secondly
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, reading fosters critical thinking and enhances language
skills
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. Unlike passive viewing, reading actively engages the brain.
Children
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 who read regularly are often better equipped to understand complex subjects and articulate their thoughts clearly.
This
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 intellectual engagement is crucial for academic success and personal
development
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.
Additionally
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,
books
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 can provide
children
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 with valuable lessons and moral values. Literature often presents challenges and problems that characters must overcome, allowing
children
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 to learn empathy and problem-solving
skills
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. These lessons can profoundly influence their personal growth and ethical
development
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.
Moreover
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, encouraging a reading habit can create lifelong learners. When
children
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 find enjoyment in reading, they are more likely to continue
this
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 practice into adulthood, gaining knowledge and expanding their perspectives throughout their lives.
In contrast
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, the immediate gratification offered by
games
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 and
TV
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 may lead to a cycle of passive consumption rather than active learning.
However
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, it is essential to recognize that not all
screen
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time
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 is inherently harmful. Educational programs and
games
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 can provide beneficial content if they are carefully selected.
Therefore
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, rather than completely forbidding
screen
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time
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, it is more effective for parents to regulate and balance these activities, ensuring that
children
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 have ample opportunities to explore
books
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while
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 still allowing for some responsible
screen
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 engagement. In conclusion,
while
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screen
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time
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 is an integral part of modern life, limiting hours spent on
TV
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 and video
games
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 in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of reading can lead to healthier and more well-rounded
children
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. By fostering a love for
books
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, parents can equip their
children
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 with vital
skills
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 and values that will serve them throughout their lives.

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task achievement
While the essay provides a solid argument, adding more specific examples or studies to support claims can help strengthen the argument further.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas between paragraphs, which can enhance the readability of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear, logical structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively summarizing the main argument.
task achievement
The points made about the benefits of reading over screen time are well-articulated and relevant to the topic, showcasing a deep understanding of child development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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