IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that car-free days are effective ways to reduce air pollution. However, others argue that there are other ways that are more effective. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #car-free #air #pollution
There are controversial perspectives heating a debate over the effective way to diminish
air
pollution
.
While
 some people hold a strong view that car-free days are an efficient one, the opposite makes a statement that there are still better alternative solutions to
this
 problem. From my point of view,
although
 the former is valid to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of the latter. Without a shadow of a doubt, organizing a day without
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 utilization of cars is a comparatively effective way. That might be because, by doing so, people can limit the amount of carbon dioxide and wasted
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 released from those vehicles maximally, which will gradually improve the quality of
air
.
However
,
this
 is not a practical plan for almost all countries and areas, especially in developed countries or
internationally
Change the word
international
show examples
 commercial sectors
such
 as the US or England. When only
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 on foot or by public transportation, people will be stuck on trains or roads
due to
 the overloaded situation, which makes them late for their work or their
disorder
Replace the word
disorderly
show examples
 schedule.
Hence
, even though car-free days can still limit the amount of carbon dioxide, it is not a suitable plan in reality.
On the other hand
, I think that one of the prevalent determinants
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
air
pollution
 is the emission released from industrial factories, which leads to a myriad of
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 being cut short living
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
show examples
 the factories. To face
this
 problem, authorities should use the government's coffers to assist businessmen in transferring from using fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
 to
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 energy to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 use of renewable energy
such
 as solar or wind.
Thus
 reducing the wasted gas from industrial factories will be a more practical and effective solution to
air
pollution
. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, despite the degradation in the amount of contaminated gas by organizing car-free days, it is better to focus on the industrial factory to deal with
air
pollution
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on specific examples to support your points more convincingly. This will help in making your arguments more relatable and strong.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas and avoid vague statements to ensure your essay is easily understandable. Focus on clear and precise language.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure that transitions between your points are smooth to enhance coherence.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and you presented both views effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are generally well-structured, and you managed to stay on topic throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a good understanding of the topic by discussing both perspectives thoroughly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • emissions standards
  • renewable energy
  • environmentally friendly
  • public transportation
  • pedestrian zones
  • commuter behavior
  • awareness
  • incentives
  • air pollution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: