IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that car-free days are effective ways to reduce air pollution. However, others argue that there are other ways that are more effective. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #car-free #air #pollution
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In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 an ongoing debate about whether the fact that
car-free
days
 are effective methods to decrease
air
 contamination or
there
Correct word choice
whether there
show examples
 are other more efficient ways.
While
 the former is valid to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of the latter. First of all, it is obvious to note that
car-free
days
 are efficacious tactics to diminish
air
 pollution. The key argument is that
air
 contamination contains a great volume of
exhausted
Replace the word
exhaust
show examples
 fumes released by cars,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
air
 quality is polluted which can cause negative damage to not only people’s
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
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 but
also
 their planet. To be particular, the atmosphere in Delhi-city
of
Change preposition
apply
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India is contaminated by a great bunch of toxic emissions
such
 as carbon dioxide or sulfur dioxide, which can lead to a wide range of respiratory diseases for people’s health, so limiting car use will protect life
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Earth.
Hence
,
car-free
days
 can be seen as
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 effective
approaches
Fix the agreement mistake
approach
show examples
 to the atmosphere.
Secondly
, the alternatives to using other ways to reduce
air
 contamination are much more effective. Added to
this
 is the fact that there are plentiful methods which are much more affordable but bring more advantages for people. To be more precise, some industries should use renewable energy sources
instead
 of traditional energy sources
such
 as fossil fuels or coal to not only reduce the amount of toxic chemical gases but
also
 create a clean and human-friendly environment, especially
atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
show examples
.
Thus
, utilizing other approaches which are
environmentally-friendly
Correct your spelling
environmentally friendly
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 for people’s health,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more effective
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
air
 pollution. In conclusion,
although
car-free
days
 are effective methods to diminish
air
 pollution, there is a wealth of tactics that should be combined with
due to
 their benefits to enhance the
air
 quality.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
To improve your Task Response score, consider providing more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. This can make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases effectively to create a logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every main point is clearly supported with relevant examples and detailed explanations. This will strengthen the coherence and task response aspects of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, giving the essay a clear beginning and end.
task achievement
Your essay covers both views of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
You have a clear and comprehensive understanding of the topic, which is evident in your discussion of both sides.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • emissions standards
  • renewable energy
  • environmentally friendly
  • public transportation
  • pedestrian zones
  • commuter behavior
  • awareness
  • incentives
  • air pollution
What to do next:
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