Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?
Throughout
the
history, Correct article usage
apply
the
portion of Correct article usage
a
state’s
budget has Correct article usage
the state’s
invested
in Add a missing verb
been invested
arts
sector all over the world. Correct article usage
the arts
However
, the allocation of budgets into
Change preposition
to
arts
or public services is a matter of debate. Some experts mention that there is need
to invest more in the cultural sites in cities, Correct article usage
a need
while
others believe it is wasting money and anticipate public facilities are more crucial instead
of music or theatre. I am actually in favour of the prior argument for two main reasons.
As a matter of fact, the arts
generally enhance human beings’ mental health and communities’ cultural enrichment thoroughly. For instance
, scientist
depict that listening to a particular music genre Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
such
as classical ones, would boost the
concentration and mounting the focusing Correct article usage
apply
especially
in a studying process. Add the comma(s)
, especially
Furthermore
, when spectators watching
a comedy theatre, it will reduce mental issues Wrong verb form
watch
such
as depressions
and Fix the agreement mistake
depression
anxieties
. Fix the agreement mistake
anxiety
Secondly
, investing in the arts
would flourish a
local economy Correct article usage
the
consequently
. For example
, Paris municipality and other related departments have held annual gallery or music exhibitions to illustrating
masterpiece artworks. Wrong verb form
illustrate
For
this
reason, many tourists around the worlds
have mounted to visit these shows, Fix the agreement mistake
world
also
by expending huge amounts of money. Particularly Paris retailers and local shops could benefit from these revenues.
On the other hand
, the massive cost of holding an exhibition or constructing a cinema is an issue, which some experts mention. For examples
, in Fix the agreement mistake
example
low economic
Add a hyphen
low-economic
countries
the costs of Add a comma
countries,
the
cultural events Correct article usage
apply
is
devastating, Change the verb form
are
however
, usage
of a surplus budget in Correct article usage
the usage
economical
sustainable states should be recommended.
Change the adjective
economically
To conclude
, the cost of the arts
is not expenditures
, Fix the agreement mistake
expenditure
although
it is investment
actually to flourish culture and economy of a city. In my opinion, governments should invest a surplus budget into the Correct article usage
an investment
arts
, which provide opportunities to make profits for all walks of people.Submitted by aradzandieh.dvm on
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language
Work on improving sentence structures and avoiding grammatical errors to enhance clarity. For instance, avoid run-on sentences and ensure subject-verb agreement.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are connected smoothly. Currently, the transition between points is sometimes abrupt.
task response
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task response
Increase the depth of your arguments to fully address both sides of the debate. This will show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
position
The essay provides a clear stance on the issue and maintains it consistently.
overall structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, with a clear statement of your opinion in both sections.
content
The essay covers multiple aspects of the debate, including mental health benefits and economic impact, showing a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.