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Band 4.5

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will provide better care for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #childcare #centres #services #children #age #members #grandparents #care #kids
These days, a variety of kid's learning study institutions are published. So, many people think it is better to join these
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 rather than stay at
home
.
This
 essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion. On the one hand, it is important for the child to have a regular morning routine to be able to start school the next year. To illustrate, having a stable hour for learning will expand thinking and cognitive skills.
Additionally
, it will develop the child's ability to play, read, write and draw, which will reflect
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their performance the following year.
Moreover
, these classes create a community,
thus
 they can build teams, and they are able to collaborate and communicate with each other. Usually, these
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
 phase centre provides a trip for entertainment and for learning in an enjoyable method.
On the other hand
, staying at
home
 is a safe option for the kids. They can have
flexibility
Replace the word
flexible
show examples
 time to do multiple activities.
Thus
, the child may have different morning schedules.
For example
, one day is for playing in a garden, and another is for staying inside the
home
 and creating
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
handcraft
Change the verb form
handcrafted
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 work.
In addition
, the community become more dangerous. The thoughts and the word chosen
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 many parents fear taking their children into harmful
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 that could be effected negatively to their
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
. In conclusion, after discussing both points of view, I believe having a regular preschool centre is better than staying at
home
, as is proven above.
Submitted by balqassab3 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is great. However, you could strengthen the logical connections between your ideas a bit more. Try to use more transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will add depth to your argument and make it more convincing. Concrete examples help illustrate your points more vividly and provide tangible evidence for your claims.
task achievement
Add more explanation to your concluding statements. You should elaborate on why you believe one option is better than the other based on the arguments you provided.
task achievement
Your essay responds well to the prompt by discussing both perspectives on childcare – family care and childcare centers.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and concise, effectively setting up and summarizing your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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