IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The picture below show how tomato ketchup is made.

#picture #show #tomato #ketchup
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The diagram shows the procedure for making tomato
ketchup
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process of preparing
ketchup
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 commences with picking
tomatoes
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 and culminates with the presentation of manufactured products in retail stores. The procedure starts when
tomatoes
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 are ripe. It has to be accepted as a signal for the picking time of the
tomatoes
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 and putting them into a basket. Once collected products are sorted
according to
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 their quality, the boxes are
then
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 sent to the factory. After being removed from the skin, stalk and seeds, the
tomatoes
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 are put into the containers for crushing. Having added sugar, vinegar and salt, the mixture is boiled for a certain period in order to make an unforgettable taste. It takes approximately two hours to leave the boiled product for cooling. After pouring tomato
ketchup
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 into the bottles, the buttons of the labelling and quality control process are knocked.
Following
Linking Words
this
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, well-designed bottles are packed carefully.
Finally
Linking Words
, the boxes filled with bottles of tomato
ketchup
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 are delivered to the supermarket for consumers who are really keen on eating their hamburgers and fries with
ketchup
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.
Submitted by checkmyessay9 on

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general
Overall, this is a solid essay. To take it to the next level, pay attention to minor grammatical mistakes and try to use a wider range of vocabulary to add variety and richness to your writing.
coherence cohesion
You have a good logical structure with clear stages of the process presented in sequence. To improve further, you might consider making more explicit transitional phrases between steps which will enhance the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Some of the ideas and descriptions are clear, but there are a few areas where the language could be more precise or detailed. For example, instead of using 'it has to be accepted as a signal,' you could say, 'Ripe tomatoes signal the beginning of the picking process.'
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented and clear, providing a good overview and summarizing the process effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a good command of process language and use of passive voice, which is suitable for describing procedures.
logical structure
The chronological order of the steps is maintained well throughout the essay, making it easy for the reader to follow along.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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