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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given graph illustrates how many
visitors
Use synonyms
 choose the museums which are from four different cities between 1980 and 2015 . As is observed from the graph,
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of the
visitors
Use synonyms
Change preposition
to
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 museums increased over the
time
Use synonyms
 period but one of them decreased and the other one remained fairly unchanged.
Use synonyms
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
Change preposition
to
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the Vatican
show examples
Vatican
Correct article usage
the Vatican
show examples
 Museum rose sharply
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 4,5 million in 1980 and 9 million in 2015.
Although
Linking Words
 it was almost
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 level, Louvre saw
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
similiar
Correct your spelling
similar
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 which was
approxiametly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 9,5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2015. London Science Museum which was famous in 1980 saw a downward trend. Indeed ,
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 was 4
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the
time
Use synonyms
 period but it was relatively stable during the five years and
then
Linking Words
 it saw
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 lowest level which was almost 2
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2015.
Use synonyms
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Shenzhen Museum fluctuated over the
time
Use synonyms
 period.
However
Linking Words
, it was just under 4
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 both in the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 and ending of the
time
Use synonyms
 periods.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, number, time, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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