A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possesions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Recently,
public
has Add an article
the public
assess
Change the verb form
assessed
Correct article usage
a person
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
according to
his
worth or social status. Correct pronoun usage
their
Whlist
,moral Correct your spelling
Whilst
value
seem to be inessential for them. From my perspective, l believe that Fix the agreement mistake
values
this
attendence
will Correct your spelling
attendance
distroy
the real value of Correct your spelling
destroy
individual
with the passage Add an article
an individual
time
.
First of foremost, Change preposition
of time
bond
between Add an article
the bond
people
can not be strong without interest
Correct article usage
an interest
on
Change preposition
in
morality
. Societies which have a
kindness ,truth emotion, and loyalty are more Correct article usage
apply
happiness
and healthy. Replace the word
happy
For example
, in my country, usually people
deal with others with kindness , and they rerely
suffer from psychological issues. Correct your spelling
rarely
really
Furthermore
, can not judged
anyone Change the verb form
judge
according to
his money. For instance
, Correct your spelling
some
same
Correct your spelling
some
Change preposition
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
people
have a huge amount of wealth, but they utilise it Change preposition
for
on
crime and illegal things.
On Change preposition
for
other
side, most Correct article usage
the other
of
Change preposition
apply
people
deal with orhers
Correct your spelling
others
orders
according to
their social status. However
, this
may damage the morality
of poor people
. On
other words, Change preposition
In
as a result
of bad
Add an article
the bad
behavior
of the poor Change the spelling
behaviour
people
by middle
and rich Correct article usage
the middle
class
, they will stimulate their Fix the agreement mistake
classes
emotional
of revenge. Replace the word
emotions
Hence
, people
who belong to low
social class may be Correct article usage
a low
a criminals
.
Correct the article-noun agreement
a criminal
criminals
To sum up
, the
Correct article usage
apply
morality
value is more significant than finance
status, Replace the word
financial
therefore
people
must judge individuals according to
their morals. To recommendations , societies should be interested on
Change the preposition
in
morality
more than wealth and should upbringing children on this
principle to creat
Correct your spelling
create
a conscious communities
.Correct the article-noun agreement
a conscious community
conscious communities
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, you need to work on improving your logical structure and making your points clearer. Look for better ways to link your ideas together and ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the topic and show a good understanding of the issue, but they need to be more developed and supported with specific examples. Try to elaborate on your points with more detail and provide concrete examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good overview of your main argument. This helps to frame your essay well.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example