Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #prison #sentences #decrease #crime #alternative

Some

people

suppose that longer jail time is the most effective

way

to prevent those potential

criminals

from committing

crimes

;

however

, some other

people

suppose that there are alternative methods to decrease

crime

rates. In my opinion, it depends on the type of

crime

, and I believe that there are other alternative ways that could

also

deter

crime

. Most

people

believe that the stricter punishments are implemented, the fewer

crimes

are committed.

However

, it only works on some

criminals

who commit

crimes

rationally.

For example

, some scammers calculate the benefits and the costs they would get in

crimes

. If there are longer prison

sentences

for fraud, those scammers might stop the

crimes

by considering the consequences.

On the contrary

, in some cases, those emotional

criminals

actually know the

sentences

they would face before committing

crimes

, but they just cannot stop themselves because of their impulses or furious feelings. For these kinds of

criminals

, even the hardest penalty might be useless.

Therefore

, longer prison

sentences

are not the best

way

and the only

way

to decrease

crimes

. There are still other methods that could help prevent citizens from doing illegal stuff.

Firstly

, deploying more police on the street could break the plans of those

criminals

, and it could be more efficient than longer jail time.

Secondly

, setting more monitors in the community could

also

warn potential

criminals

not to commit

crimes

. If it is much easier to be arrested, those

people

might decide to cancel their plans of

crime

Finally

, the government should care more about the mental health of citizens to prevent them from losing their minds and committing

crimes

At the end

of the day, longer prison

sentences

are not the best

way

to decrease

crime

rates, and other methods should

also

be developed.

Submitted by aa0963178783 on Tue May 28 2024

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task achievement

Expand on your opinion more explicitly to make it clearer to the reader where you stand. While you mentioned that the effectiveness of prison sentences depends on the type of crime, your stance could be more definitively clarified and supported.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to improve flow. Sometimes, the jump from one point to another can feel abrupt. Using transitional words and phrases could help enhance coherence.

task achievement

While you have introduced several ideas and examples, try to expand on them with further elaboration and specific details to strengthen the arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great for coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

The essay covers various perspectives and provides relevant examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Your arguments are mostly clear and well-organized. The logical structure makes it easy to follow your thoughts.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people believe that hosting an international sporting event is beneficial for the country, while others disagree. Do the benefits of hosting a major sporting event outweight the drawbacks?

Environmental hazards are often too great for particular countries or individuals to tackle. We have arrived at a point in time where the only way to lessen environmental problems is at an international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives