Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some
people
suppose that longer jail time is the most effective
way
to prevent those potential
criminals
from committing
crimes
;
however
, some other
people
suppose that there are alternative methods to decrease
crime
rates. In my opinion, it depends on the type of
crime
, and I believe that there are other alternative ways that could
also
deter
crime
. Most
people
believe that the stricter punishments are implemented, the fewer
crimes
are committed.
However
, it only works on some
criminals
who commit
crimes
rationally.
For example
, some scammers calculate the benefits and the costs they would get in
crimes
. If there are longer prison
sentences
for fraud, those scammers might stop the
crimes
by considering the consequences.
On the contrary
, in some cases, those emotional
criminals
actually know the
sentences
they would face before committing
crimes
, but they just cannot stop themselves because of their impulses or furious feelings. For these kinds of
criminals
, even the hardest penalty might be useless.
Therefore
, longer prison
sentences
are not the best
way
and the only
way
to decrease
crimes
. There are still other methods that could help prevent citizens from doing illegal stuff.
Firstly
, deploying more police on the street could break the plans of those
criminals
, and it could be more efficient than longer jail time.
Secondly
, setting more monitors in the community could
also
warn potential
criminals
not to commit
crimes
. If it is much easier to be arrested, those
people
might decide to cancel their plans of
crime
.
Finally
, the government should care more about the mental health of citizens to prevent them from losing their minds and committing
crimes
.
At the end
of the day, longer prison
sentences
are not the best
way
to decrease
crime
rates, and other methods should
also
be developed.
Submitted by aa0963178783 on

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task achievement
Expand on your opinion more explicitly to make it clearer to the reader where you stand. While you mentioned that the effectiveness of prison sentences depends on the type of crime, your stance could be more definitively clarified and supported.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to improve flow. Sometimes, the jump from one point to another can feel abrupt. Using transitional words and phrases could help enhance coherence.
task achievement
While you have introduced several ideas and examples, try to expand on them with further elaboration and specific details to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay covers various perspectives and provides relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are mostly clear and well-organized. The logical structure makes it easy to follow your thoughts.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • incarceration
  • recidivism
  • deterrence
  • rehabilitation
  • restorative justice
  • probation
  • community service
  • incapacitate
  • social programs
  • root causes
  • accountability
  • punitive measures
  • preventive measures
  • recidivist
  • vocational programs
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