Topic: Crime rate in most countries is often higher in urban areas than rural areas. why do you think that is? what can be done to reduce crime rate?

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There is no denying the fact that the
crime
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rate
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is a controversial matter to be discussed.
While
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it is held belief that
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
rate
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is often higher in urban
areas
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than in rural
areas
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, there is
also
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an argument that opposes it.
This
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essay will discuss the causes and the measures that could have been taken in order to address
this
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trend.
To begin
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with, there are many factors of the significant
crime
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rate
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in big cities
such
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as the high population numbers and the racial diversity.
In other words
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, urban
areas
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consist of various types of people from different backgrounds.
In addition
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, urban
areas
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' living styles allocate a substantial budget to cover their needs, which encourages
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor individuals to steal their food or even mobile phones.
For example
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, studies have proven that families spend a significant budget in big cities compared to the rural
areas
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. In terms of the measures that could assist in reducing the
crime
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rate
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, it would be beneficial to minimize
this
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rate
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by increasing the awareness of the retributions that could be done to criminals.
Moreover
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, the lack of suitable regulations was a main factor. It is
also
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possible to say that decreasing the expenses of living circumstances could enhance the situation.
For instance
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, governments should allocate a budget to take care of the people who
could not
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cannot
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cover their essential requirements. In conclusion, there are many factors that led to
this
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problem globally and there are several steps that should be taken by the government to decrease the
crime
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rate
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in urban
areas
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.
Submitted by omima7a7md on

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task achievement
Ensure sentence structures are varied and complex where necessary. Some sentences were a bit redundant and simplistic.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and varied examples to support your points. This can strengthen your arguments and show a deeper understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs, making use of more transitions and linking words.
coherence and cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion, framing the issue and summarizing the argument well.
task achievement
Good identification of key causes and potential solutions to urban crime rate issue.
coherence and cohesion
Clear structure with separate paragraphs for causes and solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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