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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above, and below the surface of the Earth.

The diagram shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above, and below the surface of the Earth.
The diagram illustrates the cyclic movement of
water
Use synonyms
 on the ground, underneath and in the atmosphere.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the illustration that the continuous
water
Use synonyms
 cycle consists of evaporation, condensation, precipitation and
groundwater
Use synonyms
 flow,
additionally
Linking Words
 followed by
salt
Use the right word
saltwater
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 intrusion. At
first,
Linking Words
Cloud formation above the surface of Earth precipitates to
water
Use synonyms
 sources and plants.
Then
Linking Words
, the melting snow
at
Change preposition
in
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mountains
Correct article usage
the mountains
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 runs off and moves down to
impervious
Correct article usage
the impervious
show examples
 layer. Apart from the snow, there is a moisture
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 coming from lakes and plants, which
together with
Linking Words
 snowmelt forms
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
groundwater
Use synonyms
. After that, the vast amount of
groundwater
Use synonyms
 flows to salt
water
Use synonyms
, which contributes to the process of intrusion in coastal areas.
This
Linking Words
 means that saltwater from the ocean moves into
inland
Correct article usage
the inland
show examples
 and affects the
groundwater
Use synonyms
. Following that
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 hot weather, about 80% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 evaporates into the gas. The
water
Use synonyms
vapor
Use the right word
vapour
show examples
then
Linking Words
 condenses into a liquid.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, groundwater with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "moves" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • evaporation
  • transpiration
  • condensation
  • precipitation
  • aquifers
  • percolation
  • surface runoff
  • replenishing
  • infiltrates
  • atmosphere
  • vapor
  • liquid
  • cycle
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