IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#visitors #attractions
As tourism has become a flourished industry in the past few decades, there has been a debate over charging visitors from overseas more than the locals
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 historical sites. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
 point of view. On one hand, the
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of charging foreign
tourists
 more might rise among the residents
due to
 the taxation, which means the national monuments depending on governments' subsidies for maintenance have already been paid
by
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for by
show examples
 them.
Moreover
, increasing
tourists
'
payment
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pay
show examples
 could somehow prevent
conjunction
Correct article usage
the conjunction
show examples
 of sites'
surrounding
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surroundings
show examples
, and improve their life quality.
Thus
, it is reasonable to divide tickets into different prices for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality.
However
, I consider it a shortsighted view.
On the other hand
,
differentiate
Wrong verb form
differentiating
show examples
 the cost between foreigners and locals might lead to a negative consequence.
Firstly
,
travelers
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travellers
show examples
 from abroad contribute to the economy of the host country in a wide
rage
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range
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,
such
 as
suveniours
Correct your spelling
souvenirs
, accommodation, and traffic. Nations could thrive
due to
 the
overall
 financial growth.
Secondly
, there might be monetary spam from some unscrupulous people, which would lead to counterproductive effects
such
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant
disapointment
Correct your spelling
disappointment
of
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in
show examples
tourists
.
Therefore
, it is not necessary to emphasize
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apply
show examples
on
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apply
show examples
implementing a higher price for them.
Instead
, the residents and authorities should be
honored
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honoured
show examples
 to subsidize meaningful attractions in their nation and attract more
tourists
 to visit. In conclusion, it is a long-term vision when a country
charge
Correct subject-verb agreement
charges
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 both
travelers
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travellers
show examples
 and inhabitants equally as the result in
overall
 national economic improvement excels the higher monetary requirement to foreign visitors. Afterwards, promote
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
show examples
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 legacy
further
.
Submitted by vsunnloe147 on

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Advice on task response
Try to elaborate more on your points with clear and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, provide examples of countries where charging foreign tourists worked or didn't work.
Advice on task response
Ensure your main arguments are fully developed. Some points, such as the potential negative consequences of differentiating costs, could be expanded with more detailed reasoning.
Positive Highlight on coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid framework for your discussion.
Positive Highlight on coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical and easy to follow, with distinct paragraphs for different points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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