IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

More and more families have computers in their homes, and children spend a great deal of their time using their home computers. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion

#families #computers #homes #children #time #home #situation
In the contemporary era, the rise of
computers
 in households has led to
children
 spending a considerable amount of time using these devices.
This
 essay will explore the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 phenomenon.
Moreover
, I believe that the trend has more negative effects than advantages. On one hand, home
computers
 provide
children
 with access to a vast array of educational resources. They can use educational software, access online courses, and research information for their school projects, which can enhance their learning and academic performance.
Furthermore
,
computers
 offer opportunities for
children
 to develop important skills
such
 as typing, digital literacy, and critical thinking, which are essential in the modern world.
On the other hand
, there are several notable drawbacks to
this
 trend.
Firstly
, excessive use of
computers
 can lead to health issues
such
 as eye strain, poor posture, and a sedentary lifestyle, which can contribute to obesity and related health problems.
Additionally
, spending too much time on
computers
 can negatively impact
children
's social skills and relationships. They may become isolated and less engaged with family and friends, preferring virtual interactions over real-life ones.
This
 can hinder their ability to develop effective communication and interpersonal skills.
Moreover
, the content
children
 access online is not always appropriate or safe. Without proper supervision, they might be exposed to harmful material or online predators, posing significant risks to their well-being. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that
while
 home
computers
 offer valuable educational benefits, the potential drawbacks are more concerning. It is crucial for parents to monitor and regulate their
children
's computer usage to ensure that
children
 reap the benefits of technology without suffering its adverse effects.
Submitted by zora840810 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further enhance the task response, ensure the inclusion of more specific examples or case studies to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using varied transition words and phrases to create an even smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a well-structured argument with a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported with logical reasoning and are well-developed.
task achievement
The response effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the given topic, showcasing a balanced perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: