Today, the lifespan of people is much higher than before. Some people think that older people should continue to be involved in the workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree. [V2]

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Nowadays, people tend to live longer than in the past, leading some to suggest that older
individuals
Use synonyms
should remain in the workforce.
While
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their experience can be extremely valuable in decision-making, retaining them in employment during their later years may limit opportunities for younger generations.
For instance
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, it could lead to increased youth unemployment and delays in promotions, as senior positions remain occupied.
On the other hand
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, continued work can offer physical and mental health benefits for older adults, helping them stay active and engaged.
Therefore
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,
while
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there are both advantages and disadvantages, a balanced approach is essential.
To begin
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with, older
individuals
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have spent more years in the industry than younger people, which gives them a significant advantage in terms of experience.
This
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depth of knowledge often positions them as effective leaders and decision-makers in their fields.
For instance
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, many successful CEOs and founders have built their expertise over decades, allowing them to navigate complex business environments more effectively.
Additionally
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, continuing to work at an older age encourages mental engagement and long-term planning, which can contribute to sustained motivation and cognitive health. In order to maintain an active professional lifestyle, older employees
also
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tend to prioritize physical exercise, which benefits their
overall
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well-being and ability to perform their roles.
On the other hand
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, for younger employees, older workers can sometimes become an obstacle to career advancement. When older
individuals
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remain in senior positions for extended periods, it delays promotions and opportunities for younger professionals.
As a result
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, younger workers may struggle to progress in their careers, which can affect their ability to support their families and plan for the future. In conclusion,
while
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older
individuals
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may still be capable of working, their continued presence in high-level roles can create challenges for the younger generation. It may lead to fewer job openings and increased unemployment among young professionals, ultimately affecting their quality of life.

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task achievement
Consider further exploring the effects of an aging workforce on the economy and society as a whole to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a clearer transition between points to enhance the flow of ideas distinctly throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging both sides of the argument effectively. This contributes to a high task achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
The use of examples from industry (like CEOs and founders) makes your argument compelling and relevant. This is a strong point in your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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