IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #cities #places #squares #parks
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There is no denying the fact that nowadays, public
parks
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 and
squares
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 have a crucial role in our lives.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that all cities and towns should have large outdoor
places
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 like
parks
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 and
squares
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
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 view.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 gain many benefits
as a result
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 of the presence of public
parks
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, particularly in our era.
In other words
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, these outdoor
places
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 help humans to relieve stress
due to
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 work pressure and life tension.
In addition
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, the presence of
parks
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 prompts folks to practice different sorts of activities, which make them happy.
For example
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,
people
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 can go cycling, walking, or playing football in large
squares
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. Another point to consider is that setting up
parks
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 and
squares
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 in cities has positive effects on our environment. It is
also
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 possible to say that they improve the aesthetic shape of cities and reduce air pollution because most
parks
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 are planted with grass and different types of plants.
Moreover
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,
parks
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 are enjoyable
places
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 for adults, the elderly, and kids, as there are specific
places
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 for children to play in
parks
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.
For instance
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, elderly
people
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 can meet there to enjoy fresh air and talk with their friends. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, I tend to believe that the establishment of
parks
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 and
squares
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 in all towns is very critical, as they have positive impacts on us. They have a direct psychological effect on all humans, as they help them to enjoy, relax, and practice various kinds of activities.
Submitted by sm710129 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task with logical and relevant points. However, consider adding more specific data, studies, statistics, or examples to further strengthen your arguments, for instance citing specific instances where public parks have improved the quality of life in certain cities.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are well-organized, with a clear introduction and conclusion. Consider using more transitional phrases such as 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'consequently' to enhance the flow between paragraphs and within them.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to fully develop each point with rich details. For example, when mentioning activities like cycling or football, you could elaborate on how these activities contribute to physical health or community building.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets up the topic well. It provides a good context for discussing the importance of public outdoor spaces.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points and reinforces your agreement with the statement.
task achievement
You have included a variety of benefits that public parks offer, addressing different aspects such as mental health, aesthetics, and environmental benefits. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
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