Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

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Many experts say that having a decent bank balance is a significant way to be happy in

life

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This

Linking Words

essay will argue that it is true and having more

money

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means, living the

life

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,you have imagined,

while

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healthy relationships and

respect

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in society are

also

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the source of

happiness

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To begin

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with, financial freedom can make

people

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joyful in many ways.

Firstly

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, individuals can live their dream

life

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. Every person has their desires and plans to make their lives comfortable,if they have enough

money

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,they can live their dream lives.

For example

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, one of my cousins,he was wanted to live a happy

life

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with

money

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therefore

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he moved abroad and became a registered nurse and now he is earning a seven-digit salary and living his best

life

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Thus

Linking Words

money

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creates

happiness

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for

people

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Moreover

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, rich

people

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do not have any boundaries,which can stop them from being

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

cheerful

people

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However

Linking Words

,there are many other sources of pleasure rather than funds. First and foremost is a healthy relationship. Many individuals have their definitions of

happiness

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meaning healthy relationships with loved ones, family members and friends.

Furthermore

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,another source of pleasure is having a

respect

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in the society.

Although

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the majority of folks are living in the modern era,there

Change the verb form

are

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some areas,where still

people

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are following an orthodox culture and for them,

respect

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happiness

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To conclude

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money

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is the primary key element for joyfulness, because it provides full freedom of

life

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whereas

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other sources are equally necessary

such

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as strong relationships and

respect

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in society.

pp6859Wed May 29 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Some sentences are overly long and could be broken into shorter ones for clarity.

task achievement

Work on providing more detailed and specific examples to support your points. While your cousin’s example was relevant, adding more such examples would strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to sentence structure and punctuation. Avoid the overuse of commas and ensure correct placement to enhance readability.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear idea of what the essay discusses and summing up the points effectively.

task achievement

The essay addresses both aspects of the task prompt: how money can contribute to happiness and what other factors contribute to it.

task achievement

The main points are generally clear and relevant to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

248 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Financial security
Basic needs
Comfort
Luxury
Freedom
Altruistic
Philanthropy
Nurturing relationships
Fulfillment
Sense of accomplishment
Physical well-being
Spiritual beliefs
Community involvement
Gratitude
Mindfulness
Simple pleasures

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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

people living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

When choosing a job the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the twenty first century generally have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?