As is often said that “Prevention is better than cure,” For this reason, governments should spend national health budget more on the prevention of diseases than on treatment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is pointed out that preventing
disease
is by far the most important factor than cure, thereby some people
argue that governments should spend tax more on the prevention
of ailments than on cure. Both prevention
and cure are important, however
I think governmental authorities should utilize national budgets for treatments
.
Firstly
, some sophisticated treatments
are
developed in these decades. Wrong verb form
have been
For instance
, vaccine
made us not Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
to
care about viral diseases like smallpox, which was one of fatal diseases in history and killed millions of Fix the infinitive
apply
people
in the past. Secondary
, Replace the word
Secondly
people
do not have to care about ailments if there were
some effective Wrong verb form
are
treatments
. Although
it takes long
time to develop these Change the article
a long
treatments
, development
of these methods for care may be facilitated by subsidization from governments.
Correct article usage
the development
Finally
, patients are obliged to rely on doctors so that they can survive. To prepare for such
case
, it is beneficial for medical Fix the agreement mistake
cases
stuffs
and patients to have effective solutions for Correct your spelling
staff
disease
.
Of course, prevention
like taking checkup
regularly is Fix the agreement mistake
checkups
also
essential to find disease
. Additionally
, patients could likely to
take some effective countermeasures before deteriorating the ailment and the cost Fix the infinitive
apply
for
treatment can be reduced. Change preposition
of
Furthermore
, it is pointed out that people
tend to do sedentary work and they
do not exercise regularly in their daily Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
, thereby the importance of exercise may be increasing these days. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, these
Change the determiner
this prevention
prevention
can not be effective for all diseases.
In conclusion, both treatment and prevention
are essential to avoid disease
, however
seeing
in the long run, Verb problem
apply
treatments
should be subsidized from
Change preposition
by
government
so that Add an article
the government
people
can survive from disease
.Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples to support your points. This will help to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, make sure to link your ideas more smoothly. Using transition words appropriately can enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Elaborate on your main points more clearly. Some of your points are not fully developed and could benefit from additional explanation.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure in your essay, with a distinct introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant to the topic and show a good understanding of the subject matter.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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