As is often said that “Prevention is better than cure,” For this reason, governments should spend national health budget more on the prevention of diseases than on treatment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#“prevention #cure #reason #governments #health #budget #prevention #diseases #treatment

It is pointed out that preventing

disease

is by far the most important factor than cure, thereby some

people

argue that governments should spend tax more on the

prevention

of ailments than on cure. Both

prevention

and cure are important,

however

I think governmental authorities should utilize national budgets for

treatments

Firstly

, some sophisticated

treatments

are

Wrong verb form

have been

show examples

developed in these decades.

For instance

vaccine

Fix the agreement mistake

vaccines

show examples

made us not

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

care about viral diseases like smallpox, which was one of fatal diseases in history and killed millions of

people

in the past.

Secondary

Replace the word

Secondly

show examples

people

do not have to care about ailments if there

were

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

some effective

treatments

Although

it takes

long

Change the article

a long

show examples

time to develop these

treatments

development

Correct article usage

the development

show examples

of these methods for care may be facilitated by subsidization from governments.

Finally

, patients are obliged to rely on doctors so that they can survive. To prepare for

such

case

Fix the agreement mistake

cases

show examples

, it is beneficial for medical

stuffs

Correct your spelling

staff

show examples

and patients to have effective solutions for

disease

. Of course,

prevention

like taking

checkup

Fix the agreement mistake

checkups

show examples

regularly is

also

essential to find

disease

Additionally

, patients could likely

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

take some effective countermeasures before deteriorating the ailment and the cost

for

Change preposition

show examples

treatment can be reduced.

Furthermore

, it is pointed out that

people

tend to do sedentary work and

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

do not exercise regularly in their daily

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, thereby the importance of exercise may be increasing these days.

However

these

Change the determiner

this prevention

show examples

prevention

can not be effective for all diseases. In conclusion, both treatment and

prevention

are essential to avoid

disease

however

seeing

Verb problem

apply

show examples

in the long run,

treatments

should be subsidized

from

Change preposition

show examples

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

so that

people

can survive from

disease

Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on Wed May 29 2024

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task achievement

Try to provide more detailed examples to support your points. This will help to illustrate your arguments more effectively.

coherence cohesion

While your essay is generally well-organized, make sure to link your ideas more smoothly. Using transition words appropriately can enhance the flow of your essay.

task achievement

Elaborate on your main points more clearly. Some of your points are not fully developed and could benefit from additional explanation.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear structure in your essay, with a distinct introduction and conclusion.

task achievement

Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.

task achievement

The ideas presented are relevant to the topic and show a good understanding of the subject matter.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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As is often said that “Prevention is better than cure,” For this reason, governments should spend national health budget more on the prevention of diseases than on treatment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job trainning are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

Many jobs used to be done by hand, but nowadays an increasing number of them are done using machines instead. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development.

Many museums charge for admission while others are free Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Space travel has been possible for some time and some people believe that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

2.The international community must act immediately to ensure all nations to reduce their consumption of fossil fuels e.g., gas and oil. To what extend do you agree or disagree?