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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The debate over whether
parents
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 should schedule their
children
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's free time or allow them to make their own choices is a hot topic.
Although
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safety
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 and well-being are important considerations, I believe that giving kids the
freedom
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 to pursue their own leisure activities is better for their personal growth and for building strong family bonds. Those in
favor
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favour
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 of parental control often emphasize the need to protect
children
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 in a world filled with potential dangers. The fear of kidnapping, accidents, or exposure to harmful influences can lead
parents
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 to closely monitor their
children
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's activities.
For example
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, the tragic abduction of two
children
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 in Kazan, Russia, in 2011 prompted local
parents
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 to enforce strict limits on outdoor play. These incidents highlight the sense of responsibility
parents
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 have to keep their
children
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 safe, even if it means restricting their
freedom
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.
While
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 these concerns are understandable, they may inadvertently impede a child's development.
On the other hand
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, it is essential to allow
children
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 to decide how they want to spend their free time as it helps in building independence and self-confidence. When kids are given the
freedom
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 to make choices, they learn to explore their interests, develop critical thinking skills, and become more responsible.
Additionally
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, when
parents
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 support their
children
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's decisions rather than impose their own, it creates an environment of trust and mutual respect.
For example
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, by setting
safety
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 guidelines and
then
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 giving
children
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 space,
parents
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 can enable them to explore, experiment, and interact with the world in their own way.
This
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 approach not only encourages personal development but
also
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 strengthens the emotional connection within the family as
children
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 feel valued and respected for their independence. In conclusion,
while
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 ensuring the
safety
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 of
children
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 is undeniably important, I believe that allowing them the
freedom
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 to choose their own activities offers far greater benefits. By balancing
safety
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 with autonomy,
parents
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 can help their
children
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 develop into well-rounded, confident individuals who are capable of making sound decisions,
while
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also
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 nurturing a positive and respectful family dynamic.

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task achievement
To further improve your score, consider adding a counter-argument to strengthen your position. For instance, discuss potential drawbacks of giving too much freedom to children and then refute them effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While your essay is coherent, using more transitional phrases can further enhance the logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay opens with a clear introduction and closes with a concise conclusion, effectively summarizing the central argument.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with specific examples, which adds depth to the discussion.
task achievement
The language used is clear and articulate, allowing for comprehensive and easy-to-follow ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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