IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people، however, ، think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people، #country
Some people argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic
growth
 is the prominent achievement of a
country
Change noun form
country's
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 leadership
while
 others say that
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
the
Correct article usage
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economic progress, better education, social welfare, security and
politicial
Correct your spelling
political
 stability
also
 play an important role in a
country
's development. In my opinion,
although
the
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economics has a vital role for a
country
, other types of
progresses
Change the wording
progress
signs of progress
show examples
 should be anchored as well
due to
 their
remarkably
Change the adverb
remarkable
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 contribution to the living standards of a
country
. On the one hand, economic improvement can attract foreign investment, fostering
further
 development and technological advancement.
For example
, if the administration of a developing
country
 focuses on economic
growth
 successfully, many positive indicators will be shown to the developed countries - the investors all around the world.
Therefore
, that developing
country
 can absorb more benefits from it, not only receiving money but
also
 making changes to the skilled technicians and superior researchers.
Furthermore
, citizens can have more job opportunities,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead to a better quality
for
Change preposition
of
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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life.
On the other hand
, focusing solely on economic progress can lead to increased social inequalities.
For instance
, educational
growth
 reduces the probability of crime rate.
This
 allows citizens to live in a safe environment.
Moreover
, the medical industries of progress strengthen citizens' health, since the number of medical centres and experts
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
, individuals have easy access to
visit
Verb problem
apply
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hospitals, so they receive appropriate treatment when they struggle with diseases. To recapitulate,
the
Correct article usage
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politics
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 make achievements on different types of
growth
, not only on economics.
Thus
, the people of that
country
 can have a stable income and
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 environment to live in.
Submitted by beautytear13 on

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language
Try to improve the precision of your language. For example, 'better education, social welfare, security and politicial stability also play an important role' can be more clearly expressed with proper punctuation and refined word choices.
clarity
Be sure to maintain clear, concise sentences to ensure your ideas are comprehensively expressed. Try to avoid overly long and complex sentences that might confuse the reader.
support
Strengthen your examples for both arguments. While the essay uses some examples, they could be more specific and detailed to better support your points.
structure
Your essay has a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This supports the readability of your argument.
reasoning
The main points are well-supported with logical reasoning, and the argument considers both sides of the debate, which adds depth to the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic progress
  • living standards
  • employment opportunities
  • infrastructure
  • investment
  • essential services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • transportation
  • economic stability
  • foreign investment
  • development
  • technological advancement
  • environmental degradation
  • social inequalities
  • social progress
  • well-being
  • long-term prosperity
  • technological progress
  • cultural progress
  • quality of life
  • innovation
  • creativity
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