IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Write about the following topic: In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
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In recent times countries have grown at a rapid rate with public
transport
 and
inter city
Add a hyphen
inter-city
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 travel a key component
for
Change preposition
of
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 their growth.
While
 some argue the importance
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 public
transport
 within the cities, others argue the need for fast railway
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
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 between locations.
In
Correct your spelling
I
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 believe spending money on both is essential for the betterment of the city and
country
Correct article usage
the country
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 as a whole. In the
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will be discussing both views and give my conclusion. On one hand, the need for public
transport
 has never been more pronounced in today's metropolitans. Those in favour of public
transport
 often argue the importance of convenience and sustainability
that is
 provided by buses, subways, rental bikes etc.
For instance
, getting to and from work has been made much easier with the use of the underground railway, traffic has been reduced majorly, and the cost
for
Change preposition
of
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 people's time and money has been cut greatly. In my experience, over the past three years of living in Beijing the use of the local transit has completely changed the way I travel. Arguably, I have saved more time and money than I could ever imagine than I would
otherwise
 if I spent that on buying a car and getting stuck in traffic.
Hence
, spending more on building better local transit has more meaning for some.
On the other hand
, the people arguing to increase spending on travel between major cities often highlight the mass migration between
mega cities
Correct your spelling
megacities
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.
For instance
, China with one of the world's largest populations has what is called the largest mass migration of people every year in their holiday season.
Consequently
,
this
 has forced the governments to allocate large funds to the making of new and better fast train railways between their capitols.
Therefore
, it can be argued that allocating more resources to the fast railways is of more importance. In my opinion, striking a balance between both is essential for the ease
if
Correct your spelling
of
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 the general public. Clearly, focusing more on one is not the solution and it will only hinder the progress of the country as a whole. It is recommended that spending be balanced and equal priority be given to each project.
Submitted by James on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the thesis statement given in the introduction. This can improve overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Strengthen the integration of examples into your main points to make your arguments more compelling and clear.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples from personal experience, which adds a personal touch and illustrates the points well.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and help guide the reader through the essay’s argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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