IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

discuss whether the advantages of nuclear energy energy outweight the potentential risk and environment concern

#energy #outweight #risk #environment #concern
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Nuclear
energy
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 is a topic which bears some consideration over the
globeIt
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globe
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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from the
writter's
Correct your spelling
writer's
 point of view
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 pattern brings more merit
such
Linking Words
 as no emission and
energy
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 security than the drawback of
people
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's health
concern
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concerns
show examples
. The most
advantagous
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advantageous
 factor of nuclear
power
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 is it protects air quality . To break it down even
further
Linking Words
, greenhouse gases caused by some activities include burning oil or natural gas to make
eclectricity
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electricity
.
However
Linking Words
, nuclear
energy
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 is different, it
use
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uses
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 method called nuclear fission to create
energy
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instead
Linking Words
 of burning stuff , which does not produce any carbon dioxide or other greenhouse gases.
As a result
Linking Words
 , nuclear
power
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
recognized
recognised
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is rescognized
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rescognized
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recognised
 as clean
energy
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due to
Linking Words
 it does not harm the air
Energy
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securtity
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security
 is another point worth consideration .Simply put by using nuclear
power
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, nuclear plants do not need to deal with other resources
such
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 as fossil fuel ,
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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 the country
reduces
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reduce
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 dependence on imported conventional
energy
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source
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sources
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 in
global
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the global
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energy
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 market .
Consequently
Linking Words
, these nuclear plants can minimize
trhe
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the
 potential risk of
power
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 outages or shortages ,
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and gaurantee
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gaurantee
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guarantee
 the
resource
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resources
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 for electricity generation .
For instance
Linking Words
 , some countries
use
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that use
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 nuclear
power
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 in practice like Japan will not be under
Correct article usage
the influenced
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influenced
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influence
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 of Arap
countrries
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countries
 which dominate
on
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apply
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traditional fuel.
By contrast
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 ,some
people
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believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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 that
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health will
bedevastated
Wrong verb form
be affected
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 by nuclear
accidence
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accident
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.
This
Linking Words
 may be true
due to
Linking Words
 the
toxic
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toxicity
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 and radiation
release
Replace the word
released
show examples
whern
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where
when
 nuclear plants
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 destroyeed, it
spread
Wrong verb form
spreads
show examples
 fastly and affect seriously to environment
as well as
Linking Words
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health over
generantion
Correct your spelling
generations
generation
.
However
Linking Words
 the circumstance of
nucleqa
Correct your spelling
nuclear
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of nuclear energy, but the ideas are somewhat underdeveloped. Consider providing more detailed examples or elaborating on key points to enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by ensuring clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help the reader follow your reasoning more easily.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more structured conclusion that summarizes the points made and provides a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay clearly highlights significant advantages of nuclear energy, such as its impact on air quality and energy security.
task achievement
You identified main points relevant to the topic and provided some level of support for these points.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to address counterarguments, which is a good practice for a balanced discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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