IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

#happiness #life #factors
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In
this
 age the day, gladness is reflected play
an
Change the article
a
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 vital in
life
.
However
, when it comes to
happiness
, it is difficult for us to determine its definition and what reasons are crucial to achieve
pleasure
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 I will shed light on the issue in the following essay. On the one hand, how would you define
happiness
? The definition can be so different throughout different stages of
life
. Sometimes it's just appreciation of
life
,
life
 satisfaction and moments of
pleasure
.
Besides
 that, it's the joy I feel when I am striving
after
Change preposition
for
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 my potential. In many instances, it's building meaningful connections and doing something I am passionate about.
Moreover
,
Ican
Correct your spelling
I can
 say that cheerfulness is a state of well-being
as well as
 a pleasurable and satisfying experience. From there, we can see that delight is something that can be created from very small
things
, but they are difficult to define because of the countless small
things
.
On the other hand
,
things
 like family, friends, money, or even
failure
 can be important factors in achieving
happiness
.
For example
, some
people
 in my country feel happy with pets or spending time with family and friends. These
people
 are thankful for small mercies and enjoy every day of their lives. Others take
pleasure
 in dancing, singing, getting new experiences,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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, doing
things
 they love to do, and helping other
people
, especially those in need. These
people
 live
active
Add an article
an active
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life
 and can't feel happy without moving. Some
people
 feel happy only after buying something. They dream or
dreamt
Correct your spelling
dream
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 about or just window shopping
as well as
 those who take
pleasure
 in pampering themselves and meditating. In most cases,
failure
 makes
people
 feel depressed and frustrated. All they do is beat themselves up, thinking about the
things
 that went wrong, which, obviously, doesn't make them feel happy.
Also
, some
people
 conclude that they aren't good enough to achieve something big in
life
 and,
as a result
, they give up on a dream, stay inside their comfort zone and,
therefore
 never achieve
things
 that would make them genuinely happy.
However
, in some cases,
failure
 can lead to
happiness
. I mean those cases when
people
 rise above obstacles and continue pursuing their goals. Usually, if
people
 manage to
overcomne
Correct your spelling
overcome
 loss and achieve success, they realize that they are more challenging than they think and that they can handle more than they imagine. On infrequent occasions,
failure
 helps
people
 understand that they should stop pushing themselves to their limits and that they should start enjoying what they have.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, they stop creating unrealistic expectations for themselves, making them less stressed and happier. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up, small or big
things
 can create
happiness
 or even
failure
.
Therefore
, it is difficult to properly define the two words
happiness
.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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Grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammar and spelling mistakes, such as 'gladness' instead of 'happiness,' and 'overcomne' instead of 'overcome'.
Structure
Clarify your main points in each paragraph to enhance the logical structure of the essay. For instance, ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the essay question.
Development
Develop your ideas more comprehensively to improve coherence. Provide clearer explanations and more relevant examples to support your arguments.
Content
You did a good job identifying various factors that contribute to happiness, such as family, friends, and personal achievements.
Conclusion
The conclusion is well-crafted and summarizes the main points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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