IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #food
Junk
food
 has been commonly spread all around the world.
IT
Correct your spelling
It
show examples
 is not wrong to say that fast
food
 is time-saving and is the best choice for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 cannot afford to buy ingredients.
However
, fast
food
 lacks a great amount of nutrients
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and may affect other cuisine negatively as well. In my opinion, I believe that its values
overshadows
Change the verb form
overshadow
show examples
 the drawbacks.
First,
junk
food
 saves more time than other dishes since it is already cooked, so
people
 can just buy it from the store directly or
odering
Correct your spelling
ordering
 online. Many workers who miss breakfast
due to
 their hurry can enjoy fast
food
instead
.
This
 helps them to get to work in time and have slightly enough energy to stay awake for several hours.
Second,
people
 in poor
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 who are not able to afford the ingredients
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can select fast
food
 as the best option. When
food
 prices go up,
for instance
,
people
 tend to eat more fast
food
 because of its
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
, and it has protein,
sugar
Correct word choice
and sugar
show examples
 which provide calories for us to live.
Thus
 fast
food
 is time-saving and helps
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 cannot buy sufficient ingredients to have energy.
However
, fast
food
 lacks other important
nutrition
Replace the word
nutrients
show examples
 like
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
, and it is loaded with sodium,
unhealthy
Correct word choice
and unhealthy
show examples
fat
Fix the agreement mistake
fats
show examples
 which do harm to our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
Therefore
, eating fast
food
continuingly
Rephrase
continuously
show examples
 can cause diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
America, which is well known for its chains of fast
food
 restaurants has an increasing rate of obese
people
.
Moreover
, if fast
food
 is too popular, many will not care about their traditional dishes, especially youngsters.
Thus
, junk
food
 is a risk to our health if we consume too much, and it can make other traditions faint.
Thus
,
although
 it is very harmful, fast
food
 saves time and money
well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. I do think that the values
overbalance
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 its drawbacks since we can decrease health problems from fast
food
 by
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
 it less and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 a diet.
Submitted by mizh.nguyen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure all points in your essay are fully developed. For instance, elaborate more on how fast food impacts traditional cuisine negatively.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas more smoothly. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs effectively.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors (e.g., 'ordering online' instead of 'odering online', 'helps those who' instead of 'helps who'). This will make your essay clearer and more professional.
task achievement
You've effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear opinion, which is great for writing a balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • widespread availability
  • accessibility
  • nutritional value
  • health implications
  • obesity
  • heart disease
  • traditional cooking
  • local cuisines
  • plastic waste
  • environmental impact
  • employment opportunities
  • economic boost
  • time-saving
  • convenience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: