The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those times than they are now. What problems will this cause? What can be done to solve these problems?
According
the old people, constructed towns and cities were suitable and livable for many people. In my mind, they think that these Add the preposition
According to
buildings
and structures are safer than currently
accommodations. If I approximate, they prefer Change the word
current
refuges
in the past.
Nowadays, a lot of old people are Correct your spelling
refugees
telling
Verb problem
saying
about
ancient Change preposition
that
buildings
are better than currently
structures when they Change the word
current
saw
Wrong verb form
see
a new parks
, accommodations and cities. Correct the article-noun agreement
a new park
new parks
However
, I absolutely love these new things. Furthermore
, I think that it is comfortable. Now that there were any
Correct determiner usage
no
convenience
in the past. But, you can find a lot of things and items you want Fix the agreement mistake
conveniences
in
these days. Change preposition
apply
Nevertheless
, many old humans believes
that ancient Change the verb form
believe
time
were comfortable.
The reason why they prefer Fix the agreement mistake
times
previous
period, they became Correct article usage
the previous
together with
they recognized humans. Moreover
, not became
Verb problem
there is no
traffics
and car sounds in the old-fashioned city. Correct subject-verb agreement
traffic
On the other hand
, it is true. Nowadays, these
Correct determiner usage
the
traffics
, Change the verb form
traffic
cars'
sounds and somethings to Fix the agreement mistake
car'
such
these are unpleasant. And again, it is becoming problem
. But, our governments are trying to improve and Add an article
a problem
to
intervene. Fix the infinitive
apply
For instance
, attracting foreign tourists to show the national wealth of the country by demonstrating their culture, national meals and games or historical buildings
. Hence
, these actions will not require a big amount of expenditure to recreate a modern town.
In consequence, there are a number of challenges caused by concerving
old Correct your spelling
conserving
buildings
among different age groups. Therefore
, the necessary measures should be taken for their further
development.Submitted by soglomovsarvar on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a loosely organized structure and lacks clear, cohesive paragraphs. Consider revising the structure to include a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details are directly related to this main idea. This will improve the logical structure and coherence.
task achievement
Some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammatical errors and unclear phrasing. Revise these sentences for clarity and accuracy.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and concrete details to support the points made. This will enhance the completeness and relevance of your response.
task achievement
Rephrase sentences to avoid repetition and provide variation in sentence structure. This will make the essay more engaging and cohesive.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both parts of the task by discussing the problems and offering potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear effort to express personal opinions and observations, which adds a personal touch to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The topic is approached from multiple perspectives, including the views of older people and the author's own views.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example