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Band 4.5

The chart of the amount of tea and coffee imported by four different countries in 2017.

#amount #tea #coffee #four #countries
The provided bar charts illustrate quantities of tonnes of
tea
 and
coffee
 bought from abroad by four different nationalities namely,
Canada
, Britain, the
USA
, and
Germany
 in 2017.
Overall
, it is clearly observed that the UK and the
USA
 import significantly more
tea
 than
coffee
. Meanwhile,
Canada
 and
Germany
 have a higher amount of purchasing from abroad
coffee
 than
tea
.
To begin
 with,
according to
 the data on imported
tea
, there was the highest number of purchasing
tea
 in the UK which was 16,000 tons.
Subsequently
, it was followed by the
USA
 as the second spot which was roughly around 12,000 tons.
In addition
, the number of
tea
 in
Germany
 is double that of
Canada
 which was 40,000 tons.
Finally
, Moving to the
coffee
data
Correct your spelling
date
show examples
,
Germany
 had the top spot among countries which was around 41000 tonnes.
Next,
in the middle position,
Canada
 and the
USA
 had the same patterns which were 40000 tones which was twice of UK
totals
Fix the agreement mistake
total
show examples
 making it the lowest position.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Be consistent with the figures. You mentioned Germany's imported tea is 40,000 tons instead of 4,000 tons. Verifying numerical data strengthens the task response.
coherence cohesion
A brief conclusion summarizing your key points can provide a stronger ending to the essay.
task achievement
Ensure each country’s import data is compared correctly and consistently. Double-check for any inconsistency in numbers and facts mentioned.
task achievement
The overview paragraph effectively highlights the main differences in the import patterns of tea and coffee between the countries.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and an attempt at a conclusion.
task achievement
Statements are well-supported with specific numerical data, which enhances clarity and comprehension.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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