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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experience we may have in our life

#research #characteristics #influence #personality #development #life
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Nowadays,
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
research
 is
undergoing
Verb problem
ongoing
show examples
 in many sectors particularly there are huge
research
 ongoing in the
personality
 and
development
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings.
The recent
Correct article usage
Recent
show examples
research
 indicates the
personality
 and
development
 of
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 are more different from childhood to older and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
compared with experiences that happened in their
life
.
However
,
this
 essay is about the major influences
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
personality
Correct article usage
the personality
show examples
 and
development
 of the person with examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, it is true that everyone is unique and has a different lifestyle. some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 can have a good
life
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
compared to others and they were born with different characters.
People
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not get what genetic character they want in their
life
. The
research
 says that the character are
differeniate
Correct your spelling
different
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 from others.
for example
, the famous cricketer Virat Kohil.
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
always shows an aggressive reaction after taking the wickets.
however
, it represents his identity and
to remember
Change the verb form
remembers
show examples
 everyone. it
caused
Add a missing verb
is caused
show examples
 because of the situation and
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
personality
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
show examples
 not in his childhood.
On the other hand
, if
people
went
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to another country or city for working or studying purposes, they need to be more mature and open-minded. they should adopt the culture and language of the particular country. So, the
personality
 and
development
 changes
are occur
Change the verb form
are occurring
show examples
 because of the workplace.
For instance
, the students who are moving to
aboard
Correct your spelling
abroad
show examples
 for their
studentied
Correct your spelling
students
. they need to
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 food and climate of the country. In conclusion, I agree that the situations are changing the
people
's
personality
 and
development
.It may be helpful for their career
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent.
therefore
, the experience and lessons learned from their
life
 will be helpful and it
also
 creates a
speacial
Correct your spelling
special
 identity based on the character
development
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 everyone.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
It's important to clearly define your stance on the issue in the introduction to set the stage for your arguments. Additionally, make sure your examples directly support the points you are making.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay into clear, distinct paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to another. Also, ensure that you use linking words effectively to make your essay more cohesive.
language
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure. There are multiple grammatical errors that make it hard to understand some points. Working on these areas can significantly improve the clarity of your essay.
task achievement
The essay shows a good understanding of the topic and attempts to discuss both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, which helps in tying the essay together.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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