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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experience we may have in our life

#research #characteristics #influence #personality #development #life
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Nowadays,
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
research
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 is
undergoing
Verb problem
ongoing
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 in many sectors particularly there are huge
research
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 ongoing in the
personality
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 and
development
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human beings.
The recent
Correct article usage
Recent
show examples
research
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 indicates the
personality
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 and
development
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 of
person
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a person
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 are more different from childhood to older and
it
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apply
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compared with experiences that happened in their
life
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.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay is about the major influences
in
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on
show examples
Use synonyms
personality
Correct article usage
the personality
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 and
development
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 of the person with examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, it is true that everyone is unique and has a different lifestyle. some
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 can have a good
life
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,
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apply
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 when
its
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apply
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compared to others and they were born with different characters.
People
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does
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do
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 not get what genetic character they want in their
life
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. The
research
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 says that the character are
differeniate
Correct your spelling
different
a
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 from others.
for example
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, the famous cricketer Virat Kohil.
he
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apply
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always shows an aggressive reaction after taking the wickets.
however
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, it represents his identity and
to remember
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remembers
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 everyone. it
caused
Add a missing verb
is caused
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 because of the situation and
same
Correct article usage
the same
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personality
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is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
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 not in his childhood.
On the other hand
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, if
people
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went
Wrong verb form
go
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 to another country or city for working or studying purposes, they need to be more mature and open-minded. they should adopt the culture and language of the particular country. So, the
personality
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 and
development
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 changes
are occur
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are occurring
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 because of the workplace.
For instance
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, the students who are moving to
aboard
Correct your spelling
abroad
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 for their
studentied
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students
. they need to
adopt
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adapt
show examples
the
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to the
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 food and climate of the country. In conclusion, I agree that the situations are changing the
people
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's
personality
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 and
development
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.It may be helpful for their career
in
Change preposition
to
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 some extent.
therefore
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, the experience and lessons learned from their
life
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 will be helpful and it
also
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 creates a
speacial
Correct your spelling
special
 identity based on the character
development
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to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 everyone.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
It's important to clearly define your stance on the issue in the introduction to set the stage for your arguments. Additionally, make sure your examples directly support the points you are making.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay into clear, distinct paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to another. Also, ensure that you use linking words effectively to make your essay more cohesive.
language
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure. There are multiple grammatical errors that make it hard to understand some points. Working on these areas can significantly improve the clarity of your essay.
task achievement
The essay shows a good understanding of the topic and attempts to discuss both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, which helps in tying the essay together.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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