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Band 5.5

large coporation should provide sport and social facilities to community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#coporation #sport #facilities #community
In contemporary society, the issue of sports and social
facilities
 from
companies
 has become a matter of great concern. Some people think large
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 should contribute to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. And in my perspective, I partly agree with
this
 issue.
Firstly
, I am inclined to believe that if
companies
 provide essential
facilities
 for the public, it can make them become rapport.
This
 contribution will give them a certain reputation in the consumer market. And it seems a method of advertising their
company
. A case in point is one business concern providing for the area some machine about a sport where densely populated.
And when
Correct word choice
When
show examples
 citizens use it, they will probably know the stickers or information about the contributor,
from
Correct word choice
and from
show examples
 there they will know that agency.
As a result
,
this
company
 became famous.
Thus
, after being successful in advertising goods for
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
, they can help increase
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
show examples
 reputation. It means that the economy and the life quality of workers increase significantly.
Besides
 the positive points mentioned above, I think the
company
 providing machines for the public is not really necessary. I firmly that not all
companies
 are qualified to provide equipment, the contribution should only be made by
a big
Correct the article-noun agreement
big companies
a big company
show examples
companies
. Some small or newly established
companies
 will not be able to provide sports or social services to people.
Moreover
, I am of the opinion that the government collects taxes from citizens,
hence
 they need to provide or build
facilities
 for everyone
instead
 of large
companies
. It can create trust
as well as
 improve people's health, and from it, the economy
also
 increases rapidly.
To sum up
, after examining both sides of the argument,
it is clear that
 the government should provide some service for citizens.
Besides
 , some agencies can contribute essential
facilities
 for society within capacity.
Submitted by huyentrang712 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are more logically structured and don’t overlap. Each paragraph should focus on one main point.
coherence cohesion
Try to make your introduction more clear and concise. Summarize your stance more effectively in the introductory paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your main points. Examples should be relevant and clearly illustrate the points you are making.
task achievement
Ensure your sentences are clear and free from awkward phrasing or grammatical errors. Proofreading can help improve clarity.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay’s arguments and positions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Community well-being
  • 2. Physical activity
  • 3. Mental health
  • 4. Social cohesion
  • 5. Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • 6. Public image
  • 7. Goodwill
  • 8. Brand reputation
  • 9. Customer loyalty
  • 10. Engaged and productive workforce
  • 11. Top talent
  • 12. Local economies
  • 13. Economic stimulation
  • 14. Job opportunities
  • 15. Ethical considerations
  • 16. Externalities
  • 17. Sustainability
  • 18. Maintenance costs
  • 19. Equal access
  • 20. Positive impact
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