Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some individuals believe that holistic freedom of decision on ritual matters,
such
as diet outfits, and hobbies, creates a selfish generation that follows their wishes regardless. In contrast
, some say that it's not only detrimental but also
essential to make your own decisions
from an early age. This
essay will delve into different aspects of this
matter and illustrate why it's beneficial for kids to choose independence.
A group of people claim that restricting children from making decisions
can boost their sense of consideration and empathy in the future. For instance
, as most of them are exposed to unrealistic luxury lifestyle images through media and social media, if parents provide them with anything they choose to wear, regardless of age or affordability, they will incorrectly believe that the reality of society's life is like this
. It's probable that they will make careless decisions
to achieve their desires once they reach adulthood and live independently from their family.
In contrast
, some people hold the belief that having the freedom and authority to make decisions
as a child will help them make wiser decisions
in the future. In addition
, obtaining an appropriate education that addresses their mindset about the principles of a valuable life can help prevent potential drawbacks. To illustrate that, if they learn doing homework and cleaning their room is before hobbies, along with
the fact that they should choose a hobby in objective to learn something not only to spend their leisure time subsequently
they will be able to be free in making decisions
in the frame of right principles.
In summary, a group of people advocates for restricting children's authority when it comes to personal matters to prevent them from developing selfish and stubborn personalities, On the contrary
, others affirm that it's necessary for them to decide freely under the guidance of correct teachings, which brings a sense of responsibility in their future decisions
, and I support the latter Which holds better perspective.Submitted by ali.homayoni93 on
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task achievement
The essay's task response is satisfactory as it addresses both views and provides a clear opinion. However, include more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on improving the logical structure of your arguments. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Some ideas are well-connected, but some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be more fluid.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion. The current ones are serviceable, but summarizing your stance more effectively at the beginning and end could help with coherence.
task achievement
The essay introduces both viewpoints and clearly states the writer's own opinion, showcasing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, especially within paragraphs, which helps in maintaining readability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion do their job of setting up and wrapping up the essay, respectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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