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Writing Samples /
Band 3

In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. This is because parents spend much of their time at work not at home. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #teenagers #parents #time #work #home
In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. One of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for these problems is
parents
 spend much of their time at work not at home. I totally agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement. First of all, work and family life go hand in hand.
Due to
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
 of
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
expences
Correct your spelling
expenses
show examples
, both
parents
 work full-time to meet the ends. The absence of
parents
 at home can lead to certain problems
such
 as increased independence and peer influence among teenagers. The guidance of a parent plays a vital role in children's
overall
 growth. In some cases,
parents
 do not even know if their
child
 is going through a problem at school. Bullying, physical abuse, drug use, and social anxiety are certain examples of
such
 issues. The behaviour of
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 shows a lot,
parents
 should keep an eye
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every activity their
child
 does or
participate
Correct subject-verb agreement
participates
show examples
 in. The schedule should be made so that each parent can give
certain
Change the article
a certain
show examples
 amount of time to their
child
. Keeping their friends close can
also
 be beneficial. Alternative solutions can
also
 be considered
such
 as community support and government initiatives. Any problem can be handled by giving your time and patience.
Parents
 must put their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 as first priority and help them grow in the right way.
Submitted by harmankaur1019 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider including a clear and specific conclusion to summarize your points effectively. This will make your essay more cohesive and give it a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
Expand your introduction to provide a context for the reader. Clearly outline your main points and thesis statement in the introduction.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and your essay more detailed.
task achievement
While the essay touches upon important issues, more clarity and depth are needed in the explanation of each problem related to parental absence and its impact on teenagers.
task achievement
The essay addresses a pertinent issue and presents a clear stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical progression of ideas, which aids in readability and understanding.
task achievement
The essay touches on various social problems faced by teenagers due to parental absence, showing an understanding of the complexities involved.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social problems
  • teenagers
  • parental absence
  • work-life balance
  • parental guidance
  • peer influence
  • independence
  • community support
  • government initiatives
  • tackle
What to do next:
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