Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

The debate surrounding
wether
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whether
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governments should
dedicated
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dedicate
show examples
their resources to
railways
instead
of
roads
had
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has
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sparked considerable debate.
While
some believe
assume
Verb problem
apply
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that focusing on
roads
is more imperative, I,
along with
others, consider
railways
of higher significance
due to
the reasons
this
essay
further
elaborates on.
To begin
with,
transporation
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transportation
with
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by
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train
has
impeccable
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an impeccable
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effect
of
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on
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pollution decline. By
elimination
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eliminating
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of
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apply
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personal car
exhaus
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exhaust
while
transporting on the
roads
, less Carbon
Dioxiade
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dioxide
is emitted, ultimately contributing to
a
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apply
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clearer weather.
Moreover
, diverting attention to
railways
' improvement can lead to electricity utilization for commuting, prior to a lower use of fossil fuels
need
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needed
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for
vehicles
commuting on the
roads
. Iranian governors,
for instance
, declared a massive decline in
the
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apply
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air pollution in the year 2007,
as a result
of
people
using more
train
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trains
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instead
of personal
vehicles
.
Furthermore
, travelling by
train
,
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apply
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serves as a tangible connection between
people
and
the
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apply
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nature as it might go through jungles. To illustrate,
railways
between Mashhad and Tehran
,
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apply
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passes
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pass
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through verdant lush jungles.
On the other hand
, some may claim that
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the exapnsion
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exapnsion
Correct your spelling
expansion
of the
roads
brings more convenience to
the
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apply
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society. They contend that
people
have more access to their cars in comparison with
train
stations which helps them be more productive,
coupled with
a greater
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
to reach their destinations timely.
This
perspective,
however
, overlooks the detrimental effect of the
vehicles
' toxic gas
emission
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emissions
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that would ultimately lead to the accumulation of
the
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apply
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pollutants in the air. Take the UK as an example;
that
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apply
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the authorities expanded the cross-country
roads
in one year and the number of
vehicles
on them doubled just the next year, showcasing that the more the
roads
are developed, the more
people
would prefer commuting by their own cars.
To conclude
, I wholeheartedly subscribe to
this
sentiment as it brings
people
more possibility to relish their journey, leads to exploring new ways of producing energy, and
finally
serving
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serves
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as a way for tackling air contamination.
Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on

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coherence cohesion
Address grammatical errors and typos to improve readability (e.g., 'transporation' should be 'transportation', 'oppurtunity' should be 'opportunity').
task achievement
Expand on each main point more thoroughly and ensure a balanced discussion of both sides. Currently, the essay slightly favors promoting railways more without sufficiently addressing the counterarguments about road expansion.
task achievement
The essay covers most relevant aspects of the topic, including environmental benefits, energy use, and societal convenience.
task achievement
Effective use of examples and illustrations to support the argument. References to Iran and the UK add credibility.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow between paragraphs, with a clear introduction and conclusion. There is a discernible argument throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • environmental footprint
  • efficiency
  • pollution
  • cost-effectiveness
  • economic development
  • accessibility
  • public transportation
  • congestion
  • air pollution
  • initial investment
  • maintenance
  • upgrades
  • rural
  • urban
  • last-mile connectivity
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