Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The debate surrounding
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
governments should
dedicated
Change the verb form
dedicate
show examples
their resources to
railways
instead
of
roads
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
sparked considerable debate.
While
some believe
assume
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that focusing on
roads
is more imperative, I,
along with
others, consider
railways
of higher significance
due to
the reasons
this
essay
further
elaborates on.
To begin
with,
transporation
Correct your spelling
transportation
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
train
has
impeccable
Correct article usage
an impeccable
show examples
effect
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
pollution decline. By
elimination
Replace the word
eliminating
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
personal car
exhaus
Correct your spelling
exhaust
while
transporting on the
roads
, less Carbon
Dioxiade
Correct your spelling
dioxide
is emitted, ultimately contributing to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
clearer weather.
Moreover
, diverting attention to
railways
' improvement can lead to electricity utilization for commuting, prior to a lower use of fossil fuels
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
for
vehicles
commuting on the
roads
. Iranian governors,
for instance
, declared a massive decline in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution in the year 2007,
as a result
of
people
using more
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
instead
of personal
vehicles
.
Furthermore
, travelling by
train
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
serves as a tangible connection between
people
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature as it might go through jungles. To illustrate,
railways
between Mashhad and Tehran
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
passes
Correct subject-verb agreement
pass
show examples
through verdant lush jungles.
On the other hand
, some may claim that
Correct article usage
the exapnsion
show examples
exapnsion
Correct your spelling
expansion
of the
roads
brings more convenience to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. They contend that
people
have more access to their cars in comparison with
train
stations which helps them be more productive,
coupled with
a greater
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
to reach their destinations timely.
This
perspective,
however
, overlooks the detrimental effect of the
vehicles
' toxic gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
that would ultimately lead to the accumulation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollutants in the air. Take the UK as an example;
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the authorities expanded the cross-country
roads
in one year and the number of
vehicles
on them doubled just the next year, showcasing that the more the
roads
are developed, the more
people
would prefer commuting by their own cars.
To conclude
, I wholeheartedly subscribe to
this
sentiment as it brings
people
more possibility to relish their journey, leads to exploring new ways of producing energy, and
finally
serving
Wrong verb form
serves
show examples
as a way for tackling air contamination.
Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Address grammatical errors and typos to improve readability (e.g., 'transporation' should be 'transportation', 'oppurtunity' should be 'opportunity').
task achievement
Expand on each main point more thoroughly and ensure a balanced discussion of both sides. Currently, the essay slightly favors promoting railways more without sufficiently addressing the counterarguments about road expansion.
task achievement
The essay covers most relevant aspects of the topic, including environmental benefits, energy use, and societal convenience.
task achievement
Effective use of examples and illustrations to support the argument. References to Iran and the UK add credibility.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow between paragraphs, with a clear introduction and conclusion. There is a discernible argument throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • environmental footprint
  • efficiency
  • pollution
  • cost-effectiveness
  • economic development
  • accessibility
  • public transportation
  • congestion
  • air pollution
  • initial investment
  • maintenance
  • upgrades
  • rural
  • urban
  • last-mile connectivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: