IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#government #money #railways #roads
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The debate surrounding
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
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 governments should
dedicated
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dedicate
show examples
 their resources to
railways
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instead
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 of
roads
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had
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has
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 sparked considerable debate.
While
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 some believe
assume
Verb problem
apply
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that focusing on
roads
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 is more imperative, I,
along with
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 others, consider
railways
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 of higher significance
due to
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 the reasons
this
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 essay
further
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 elaborates on.
To begin
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 with,
transporation
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transportation
with
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by
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train
Use synonyms
 has
impeccable
Correct article usage
an impeccable
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 effect
of
Change preposition
on
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 pollution decline. By
elimination
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eliminating
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of
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apply
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personal car
exhaus
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exhaust
while
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 transporting on the
roads
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, less Carbon
Dioxiade
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dioxide
 is emitted, ultimately contributing to
a
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apply
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clearer weather.
Moreover
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, diverting attention to
railways
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' improvement can lead to electricity utilization for commuting, prior to a lower use of fossil fuels
need
Wrong verb form
needed
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 for
vehicles
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 commuting on the
roads
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. Iranian governors,
for instance
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, declared a massive decline in
the
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apply
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air pollution in the year 2007,
as a result
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 of
people
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 using more
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train
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trains
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instead
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 of personal
vehicles
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.
Furthermore
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, travelling by
train
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,
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apply
show examples
 serves as a tangible connection between
people
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature as it might go through jungles. To illustrate,
railways
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 between Mashhad and Tehran
,
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apply
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passes
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pass
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 through verdant lush jungles.
On the other hand
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, some may claim that
Correct article usage
the exapnsion
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exapnsion
Correct your spelling
expansion
 of the
roads
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 brings more convenience to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. They contend that
people
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 have more access to their cars in comparison with
train
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 stations which helps them be more productive,
coupled with
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 a greater
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to reach their destinations timely.
This
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 perspective,
however
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, overlooks the detrimental effect of the
vehicles
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' toxic gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 that would ultimately lead to the accumulation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pollutants in the air. Take the UK as an example;
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the authorities expanded the cross-country
roads
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 in one year and the number of
vehicles
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 on them doubled just the next year, showcasing that the more the
roads
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 are developed, the more
people
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 would prefer commuting by their own cars.
To conclude
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, I wholeheartedly subscribe to
this
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 sentiment as it brings
people
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 more possibility to relish their journey, leads to exploring new ways of producing energy, and
finally
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serving
Wrong verb form
serves
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 as a way for tackling air contamination.
Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on

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coherence cohesion
Address grammatical errors and typos to improve readability (e.g., 'transporation' should be 'transportation', 'oppurtunity' should be 'opportunity').
task achievement
Expand on each main point more thoroughly and ensure a balanced discussion of both sides. Currently, the essay slightly favors promoting railways more without sufficiently addressing the counterarguments about road expansion.
task achievement
The essay covers most relevant aspects of the topic, including environmental benefits, energy use, and societal convenience.
task achievement
Effective use of examples and illustrations to support the argument. References to Iran and the UK add credibility.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow between paragraphs, with a clear introduction and conclusion. There is a discernible argument throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • environmental footprint
  • efficiency
  • pollution
  • cost-effectiveness
  • economic development
  • accessibility
  • public transportation
  • congestion
  • air pollution
  • initial investment
  • maintenance
  • upgrades
  • rural
  • urban
  • last-mile connectivity
What to do next:
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