IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent agree or disagree?

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
Many individuals believe that it is more necessary to invest
money
 in streets and motor lanes rather than in community vehicles methods consist of railways and trams.
This
 writer argues that it is better to spend
money
 on public transportation
due to
 the reduction of air pollution and saving
money
. First of all, air pollution is the most popular problem worldwide. Trains can help people reduce toxic waste
is given off
Verb problem
apply
show examples
from vehicles on the streets.
Moreover
, it has a comfortable and large space for serving passengers.
Furthermore
, there are many locations in order for to humans choose and make a decision
Change preposition
about where
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where
Change preposition
about where
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 they go.
As a consequence
, it will limit large amounts of harmful
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
such
 as carbon dioxide and create a fresh atmosphere in the city. Thanks to railways, countries may deal with air pollution immediately. Turning to another point, residents can save
money
 by buying cars or motorbikes so that go to work. In the present era, the cost of private transportation is increasing rapidly.
Therefore
, some poor families cannot afford
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
However
, they may take part in trains to preserve their expenditure effectively and contribute to the protection of the environment.
As a result
, citizens do not have to pay for private vehicles.
This
 may be true in the UK, where there are various electric trains which take dwellers to different sites.
Therefore
, the government assist people manage the economy easily and comfortably. In conclusion, there are many benefits when inhabitants utilize community services and protect habitats together.
Thus
, I totally agree with the latter statement.
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task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines your main arguments but could benefit from a stronger thesis statement to enhance clarity. Try to make it more explicit, for example, 'Investing in public transport is more beneficial as it helps reduce air pollution and saves money for citizens.'
task achievement
While your main points are relevant and logical, ensure that your arguments are more comprehensively developed. Expanding on specific examples or statistical data can lend more weight to your arguments. For instance, citing studies or statistics on how public transport reduces pollution can strengthen your case.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using transition words and phrases more effectively to link your ideas smoothly. Phrases like 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' and 'Consequently' can make your essay read more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph focuses on a single central idea, with each sentence supporting that idea. Sometimes, your sentences tend to drift off-topic slightly, which can dilute the strength of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have provided logical reasons and arguments to support your opinion, which significantly adds value to your task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • economic growth
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • social equity
  • urban development
  • sustainable
  • mobility needs
  • revitalization
  • efficiency
  • safety
  • reliance
  • combatting
  • mitigating
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