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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the lifecyle of honey bee.

The diagram below shows the lifecyle of honey bee.
The flow chart illustrates the development of
Honey
Correct article usage
the Honey
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bee
Use synonyms
 during its
live
Replace the word
life
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 cycle.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there are 6 distinct stages illustrated in
process
Correct article usage
the process
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. Start with producing the eggs and
ending
Wrong verb form
end
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 with the development of a
hony
Correct your spelling
honey
bee
Use synonyms
. The first stage is when the female lays one or two eggs every three
days
Use synonyms
. It takes 9-10
days
Use synonyms
 for the eggs to hatch. After hatching, the small honey
bee
Use synonyms
 takes seven
days
Use synonyms
 to grow
further
Linking Words
 and another nine
days
Use synonyms
 to complete the childhood stage.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 period, the honey
bee
Use synonyms
 becomes a young adult. It
then
Linking Words
 takes just four
days
Use synonyms
 to reach maturity,which
are
Change the verb form
is
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 much bigger and more representative.Having completed these steps , the lifecycle will
then
Linking Words
agin
Correct your spelling
begin
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words bee, days with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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