‘Tourism is always a force for good which enables people of different countries to understand each other.’ To what extent do you agree with this idea? You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

Tourism
generally allows
people
to have experiences that promote a better understanding of diverse nations. Even though not every individual is willing to expand their worldview when travelling, I believe that
tourism
provides a great opportunity to learn about
cultural
Correct article usage
the cultural
show examples
particularities and habits of each country.
People
choose to
travel
abroad for various reasons including visiting historical sites, engaging in adventures, or resting after a long year of work. Certainly, when visiting a different country, most individuals gain some knowledge of the local culture by trying local foods, attending cultural programs, and visiting museums or ancient buildings. When touring Brazil,
for example
, international travellers usually expect to see beaches, soccer, and rainforests.
However
, once there,
tourists
learn about cultural characteristics
such
as how slavery is profoundly embedded in the Brazilian culture, influencing many dances and traditional culinary.
Similarly
, when travelling to Asian countries, vacationers can visit astonishing temples and understand how religion
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
the residents. To
this
extent,
tourism
creates positive experiences that help
people
to better comprehend each other.
On the other hand
, not everyone travels abroad to discover more about other nations. Some individuals only seek their own amusement when travelling, and usually prefer to relax all day at the beach, eating in international restaurants rather than local establishments.
Moreover
, there are a few who engage in illegal
tourism
activities for personal recreation.
For example
, some individuals visit African nations solely to hunt wild animals , showing no interest in the local culture.
Nevertheless
, from my perspective, these types of
tourists
constitute a minor group, and most
tourists
travel
with good intentions.
Thus
, I believe that
tourism
is mostly positive and promotes cultural exchange. In conclusion,
although
some
tourists
travel
for illegal activities or show little interest in other cultures, I believe that the
tourism
industry largely promotes mutual understanding among diverse countries, as most
people
travel
with the intention of learning about the place they visit.
Submitted by betinhaa00 on

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coherence cohesion
Although you have a clear introduction and conclusion, make sure that the introduction presents the thesis clearly. A thesis statement gives an idea of what your main points will be.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are relevant and comprehensive, you can improve the logical structure by creating clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This will guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
In addressing counter-arguments or contrasting views, try using linking phrases more effectively. This can help smooth transitions between ideas and make your argumentation more cohesive.
task achievement
Your task achievement is strong. You have provided a complete response with clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-structured conclusion that summarizes your arguments effectively. This adds to the overall coherence of your writing.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples (e.g., Brazilian culture, Asian temples) greatly enhances the quality of your arguments and supports your main points well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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