Many people aroung the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Whether the activity of using social networking sites to communicate or access the
news
every day by
people
is
benefitcial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
.
This
writer argues that the benefits of mending closer human relationships and updating data quickly
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
of personal
information
leakage. The most advantageous factor of using social media is that it
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
everyone together during the hectic lifestyle nowadays.
In other words
,
faraway
Correct your spelling
far away
show examples
people
can keep in touch with family members and friends
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
social media. From priority knowledge, most individuals who are far away
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
loving
people
usually connect and communicate with their relatives to avoid being a loner
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
some apps
such
as Zalo or Messenger.
Thus
, social media is a tool to help
evryone
Correct your spelling
everyone
socialize together every day. Grasping
information
easily must
also
be considered. It must be recognized that online newspapers help
people
know how to
beak
Verb problem
read
show examples
news
faster than the ones
buyed
Correct your spelling
bought
show examples
in stores because humans do not have to go out to buy, they just need one high-tech device
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
choose what
news
they want to read
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
As a result
, it becomes a smooth opportunity for
people
to expand knowledge relating to social life
beter
Correct your spelling
better
than in the past.
Moreover
, teenagers will be interested in
reaidng
Correct your spelling
reading
news
online
due to
its clear presentation. Thereby, all aged
gorups
Correct your spelling
groups
have a motivation and chance to read and gain knowledge about social life.
However
, a few
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
argue that personal
information
may be lost and
leakage
Correct your spelling
leaked
show examples
. They believe that
this
will affect the victim's life as they have to pay the debt on behalf of a person
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
to steal
account
Correct article usage
an account
show examples
to borrow money at
a high interest rates
Correct the article-noun agreement
high interest rates
a high interest rate
show examples
.
This
may be true,
nut
Correct your spelling
but
show examples
if
people
do not share too much
information
about their lives and careers
as well as
freely make
firneds
Correct your spelling
friends
with strangers online, they will avoid the above serious situation. Taking all points into account, the possible impact of
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
personal
information
is outweighed by the opportunity to
bong
Verb problem
build
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
between
people
together and catch up with time.
Hence
, depending on the war
people
using social networking sites wisely,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will have lots of benefits
amf
Correct your spelling
and
vice versa.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly and specifically answers the question. Mention both advantages and disadvantages explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more cohesive structure. Use clear topic sentences and transitions to improve the flow between paragraphs.
general language use
Proofread for grammatical and spelling errors to improve clarity and overall impression. Pay attention to minor errors such as spelling mistakes and awkward phrasing.
task response
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of social media usage, showing an awareness of the complexity of the issue.
task response
Good use of examples to illustrate points, such as specific apps like Zalo and Messenger.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: