Some people say that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries is a positive development , while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result . Discuss both views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Whether increasing connections between nations in the contemporary era will
boot
Correct your spelling
boost
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth or cause the loss of culture
bear
Change the verb form
bears
show examples
some
considerations
Fix the agreement mistake
consideration
show examples
. The writer of
this
Linking Words
essay claims even though
this
Linking Words
may lead to young generations having
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
show examples
to criticize their nation , it is more likely that
this
Linking Words
will bring more benefits of forming a sustainable economy and long-term relationships with other
countries
Use synonyms
. When it comes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
globalization , there is no denying
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its role in promoting
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
. To explain
further
Linking Words
, more robust relations between
countries
Use synonyms
are formed will facilitate global commerce which means in
enocomically
Correct your spelling
economically
disadvantaged
countries
Use synonyms
, people can receive more
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
from developed ones so they will be able to construct new infrastructure
as well as
Linking Words
generating
Wrong verb form
generate
show examples
a host of available jobs that
boot
Correct your spelling
boost
show examples
the whole
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
. Taking HADILAO as a specific example ,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
organization is formed by the
coopeartion
Correct your spelling
cooperation
of different nations with the aim of promoting the economic exchange between these .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the increase in connections between
countries
Use synonyms
will
also
Linking Words
result in loss of culture .
That is
Linking Words
to say , if people especially young generations get exposed to more and more alien cultures , it is understandable that they may take their national values lightly and
priortize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
foreign ones
instead
Linking Words
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
undoubtedly
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
shift in their mindset , leading to
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
show examples
of national identity which eventually
harm
Wrong verb form
harmed
show examples
their
coutrny
Correct your spelling
country
.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
the writer's perspective , cultural appreciation should be taken into account as a primary benefit of globalization . To put it simply , several connections between
countries
Use synonyms
will generate a lot of opportunities for residents to make
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
to understand people and
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
in other parts of the world .
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
not only
boots
Correct your spelling
boosts
show examples
their awareness of a particular
coutrny
Correct your spelling
country
but
also
Linking Words
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
their appreciation for alien cultures which will erase hostility between nations . In conclusion , despite the risk of losing national identity , the advantage of a growing economy alongside cultural respect will ensure the importance of globalization
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

spelling
Pay close attention to spelling and typing errors. For instance, words like 'enocomically' should be 'economically' and 'coutrny' should be 'country'.
grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy, especially paying attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and article usage. For example, 'these organization is formed' should be 'these organizations are formed'.
content
Try to develop your ideas more fully. For instance, the example of HADILAO is briefly mentioned without much explanation of its economic contributions. Adding more details would strengthen your argument.
structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. While your ideas about economic growth and cultural loss are clear, the transition to cultural appreciation in the last body paragraph feels abrupt.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your discussion.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a balanced perspective.
vocabulary
Your writing shows a good attempt at using complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: