IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

TEST 8 In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In our modern era, builders want to arrange homes, schools, shops and offices in one
area
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and separate them.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 writer
believe
Change the verb form
believes

The verb believe does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
 it is a good development
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

increase
Correct article usage
the increase

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 in tourism and convenience It must be acknowledged that building facilities in one
area
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 help
increase
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 tourists. Because all of the
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
shops

It seems that shop may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 and
Replace the word
attractions
show examples
Replace the word
attractions

The word attracting doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
attracting
Replace the word
attractions
show examples
 place
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
Correct your spelling
in

The word is doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a specific
area
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, people tend to go there rather than anywhere else.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the tourism of that
area
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 will
increase
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 rapidly and become popular.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there will be an
increase
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number

It appears that the phrase number does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

show examples
 of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists

It seems that tourist may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
 in that
area
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Another point worth considering is that organizing them in that way can be
convenience
Replace the word
convenient

The word convenience doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
 for citizens in that
area
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Having not to have far away, people can just go to a specific
area
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to buy the stuff they want and not have to look around can be a lot useful. Take Viet Nam as an example, all the
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores

It seems that store may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
 that
relevant
Add a missing verb
are relevant

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

show examples
 must be built next to each other,
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 people can go there and
shopping
Replace the word
shop

The word shopping doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
. In conclusion, improvement in tourism and
convenient
Replace the word
convenience

The word convenient doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
 will occur when placing facilities together.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
government
Add an article
the government

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
 should arrange shops like that

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure each paragraph is well-developed with more specific examples and details. For instance, describing how tourism increases due to concentrated facilities with statistics or real-life examples could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more complex logical structure in the essay. Instead of simple listing of points, provide comprehensive reasoning and link your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Refine your introduction to clearly state your position, making it evident that you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This helps provide a clear task response.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to make the argument flow more naturally. This improves cohesion and makes the essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the author’s position, which provides a clear ending to the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt and provides reasons for the stated opinion, indicating a good attempt at responding fully to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: