IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past , knowledge was stored in books. Today, people stored knowledge on the Internet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages ?

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In the cutting-edge society, the Internet
deemed
Add a missing verb
is deemed
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 as a storage for knowledge of humanity
instead
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 of using books to preserve these precious data as in the previous years. The writer believes that some benefits of
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
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 approach
of
Change preposition
to
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 accessing and environmental protection outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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. There are several advantageous factors, one of them is to support
people
Change noun form
people's
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 approach to various information in networking sites easily. It should be acknowledged that individuals do not have to purchase or borrow different kinds of documents, they just need to search for
great
Add an article
a great
the great
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 diversity of websites storing precious information on the Internet.
Consequently
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, residents may save
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
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 of expenses on books,
documents
Correct word choice
and documents
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.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
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 Wikipedia, which contains various theories, exercises ,
instructions
Correct word choice
and instructions
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 for all levels of both undergraduates and graduates, as an interesting instance.
Hence
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, it is beneficial to store data on the networking platforms. Another advantageous point
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
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 be considered is that
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 can be protected and
save
Wrong verb form
saved
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 by alleviating
trees
Change the noun form
tree
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 clearance. It is vital to understand that the less
papers
Fix the agreement mistake
paper
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produce
Wrong verb form
produced
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, the
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 evergreen trees
chop
Wrong verb form
are chopped
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 down.
As a result
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, it not only prevents climate changes,
erosion
Correct word choice
and erosion
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 but
also
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provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 more spacious green space for the community.
For example
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, the USA’s government has some new policies which encourage individuals to read books and news on some networking websites.
Therefore
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,
green
Correct article usage
a green
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 and
cleaned
Replace the word
clean
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 environment results from knowledge
storing
Wrong verb form
stored
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 on the Internet. In conclusion, the drawback is outweighed by the beneficial points of accessible approach and environmental preservation.
Additionally
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 , it should be created more and more websites
containing
Wrong verb form
contain
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wide
Add an article
a wide
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 range of authentic documents

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task response
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion. However, try to strengthen your thesis statement and make it more explicit. For example, you could clearly state: 'This essay will argue that the advantages of storing knowledge on the Internet, such as easy accessibility and environmental benefits, outweigh its disadvantages.'
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that all your sentences within paragraphs flow logically from one to the next. Transition words and phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'In addition,' can help guide the reader through your argument.
task response
While your points are generally well-supported, providing more specific examples and elaborating on them would strengthen your argument. For instance, discussing a specific policy or initiative related to environmental benefits in more detail could add depth to your essay.
task response
Your conclusion summarises well but could further restate the main advantages discussed and say why they surpass the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You have made a good attempt to address the topic and provide a balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Instantly
  • Efficient
  • Deteriorate
  • Collaboration
  • Innovation
  • Reliance
  • Data security
  • Digital divide
  • Socio-economic
  • Over-dependence
  • Critically evaluate
  • Surface-level learning
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