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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep ddoing it are more likely to get a statisying career life than those who frequently change jobs.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

#people #job #career #life #change #jobs
A plethora of individuals hold the assumption that job-seekers who work stably in one firm will acquire higher satisfaction in their prospects in later life
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to those who switch on various career paths.
While
 I accept that
this
 perception is somewhat justifiable,I would contend that I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the latter notion. On the one hand,it is comprehensive as to why selecting an occupation earlier and staying for a long time would bring about contentment for applicants.
Firtsly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
,
this
 tendency could be attributable to the promotion.
For example
,numerous companies promote workers to higher
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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 based on their working years and their behaviors which take a desirable amount of time to judge and observe.
As a result
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the middle
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middle ages
Correct your spelling
Middle Ages
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,people who
are in
Verb problem
were
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 chief executive officers
would
Verb problem
were
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 likely to
Add a missing verb
be please
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please
Replace the word
pleased
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 with their contribution and position.
Moreover
,individuals working in
a certain corporations
Correct the article-noun agreement
a certain corporation
certain corporations
show examples
 would
also
 get a competitive salary.Specifically,in Japanese firms,older workers who have worked for over 32 years would receive
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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wages 11% higher than the juniors,which would
be
Verb problem
make it
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 possible for them to meet their essential needs,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 purchase more luxurious items. On the
hand
Correct word choice
other hand
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,there are two main reasons as to why I am convinced that
change
Wrong verb form
changing
show examples
 jobs frequently could
also
 have paramount importance to people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.First and foremost,
this
 decision could help them to identify their true passion.
Further
 explanation, a
myraid
Correct your spelling
myriad
 of employees decide to quit a prospective career because they want to try new things in order to get exposure to a work that greatly
froster
Correct your spelling
foster
 their immersion which boosts their productivity.Another justification is that
through
Change preposition
by
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 switching on distinctive careers, a person could have many unique experiences that their counterpart might not have.
For instance
,candidates coming to different interviews would gain
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 on how to write a CV that
suit
Change the verb form
suits
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with
Change preposition
apply
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the
recuiters
Correct your spelling
recruiters
 which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 their opportunities to be the chosen ones. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that a stable career ladder would be the precursor to a pleasant life,I
would
Verb problem
apply
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believe that the decision of
often
Correct article usage
an often
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 changing work environment is the best choice.
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coherence cohesion
Enhance the clarity of ideas by providing smoother transitions between points. This will improve the essay's logical structure.
task achievement
Minimize grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to ensure your points are understood clearly.
task achievement
Introduce more detailed and specific examples to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure to avoid abrupt or fragmented sentences, which can disrupt the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, enhancing the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addressed the question effectively and presented convincing arguments for both sides.
task achievement
Relevant and real-world examples were included, adding credibility to your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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