IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that robots are important for humans’ future development. Other think that robot have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #robots #humans’ #future #development #robot #effects #society
In the modern era, the growth of technology leading to the crucial role of
robots
 is predicted by experts.
Robots
 will be applied in manufacturing chains and be an assistance to folk. Using automatic
machines
 will have a lot of negative impacts on society. One factor must be known that
robots
 are the invention that can replace humans in all work. These products have a lot of abilities
such
 as solving simple logical work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and doing physical tasks more efficiently and accurately than humans.
Therefore
, many
robots
 will appear in industrializations and companies. These
machines
 are
also
 applied in science
Fix the infinitive
to discovers
show examples
discovers
Correct subject-verb agreement
discover
show examples
 too many dangerous places without any risks to people.
For example
, NASA ran space
robots
 on the Moon to collect pictures and things belonging to
this
 planet.
This
 case shows the large potential of applying
robots
 in the future.
Nevertheless
, these circumstances
also
 bring negative effects to society. Too many
machines
 in people’s lives can let them lose control of our world. People must rely on
robots
 when these
machines
 are applied widely. If an error system and all of the technology objects stop working, people will fall into the worst situation that they do not have any applicants to run their lives.
Moreover
, depending too much on
robots
also
 decreases human health. society
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not need to take much action, they just let
robots
 do their job
instead
 of them and their lives will become shorter
due to
 the lack of activities we get. In conclusion,
robots
 will be an object to assist
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in work and it will give
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 more chances to discover the world.
In
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 side, depending too much on
robots
 can make
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 weaker and have less independence.
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coherence
Ensure that tense consistency is maintained and rephrase certain sentences to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, instead of 'Too many machines in people’s lives can let them lose control of our world,' consider 'The widespread use of robots may lead to humanity losing control over its own society.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on some points. For example, discussing the impact of robots on unemployment rates or the ethical considerations regarding AI could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases such as 'too many' and ensure a variety of word choices to improve readability and engagement.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets up the discussion of both views effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have effectively introduced the potential benefits and drawbacks of robots, and your conclusion summarizes both sides well while providing your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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