IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #job #career #life #change #jobs
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A plethora of individuals hold the assumption that job-seekers who work stably in one firm will acquire higher satisfaction in their prospects in later life compared to those who switch on various career paths.
While
 I accept that
this
 perception is somewhat justifiable, I would contend that I am in favour of the latter notion. On the one hand, it is comprehensive as to why selecting an occupation earlier and staying for a long time would bring about contentment for applicants.
Firstly
,
this
 tendency could be attributable to the promotion.
For example
, numerous companies promote workers to higher positions based on their working years and their behaviors which take a desirable amount of time to judge and observe.
As a result
, in
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 Ages, people who
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 in chief executive officers
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 likely to
pleased
Add a missing verb
be pleased
show examples
 with their contribution and position.
Moreover
, individuals working in a certain corporation would
also
 get a competitive salary. Specifically, in Japanese firms, older workers who have worked for over 32 years would receive wages 11% higher than the juniors, which would make it possible for them to meet their essential needs, and even purchase more luxurious items.
On the other hand
, there are two main reasons as to why I am convinced that changing jobs frequently could
also
 have paramount importance to people's lives. First and foremost,
this
 decision could help them to identify their true passion.
Further
 explanation, a myriad of employees decide to quit a prospective career because they want to try new things in order to get exposure to a work that greatly
foster
Correct subject-verb agreement
fosters
show examples
 their immersion which boosts their productivity. Another justification is that by switching on distinctive careers, a person could have many unique experiences that their counterpart might not have.
For instance
, candidates coming to different interviews would gain knowledge on how to write a CV that suits the recruiters which enhances their opportunities to be the chosen ones. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that a stable career ladder would be the precursor to a pleasant life, I believe that the decision of often changing work environment is the best choice.
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task achievement
Try to refine your thesis statement to clearly specify your stance from the beginning. Although your position becomes clear in the body paragraphs, a more distinct thesis statement will lead to a stronger introduction.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are well-contained and paragraphs developed logically, some sentences could be clearer. Work on simplifying complex structures.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structure to avoid repetition and make your essay more engaging to the reader.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, which strengthened your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in framing your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a single point which contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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