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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Online classes make conventional classrooms unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, more and more people are able to approach the internet, leading to e-learning has exploded. With the population of e-learning, some people believe that physical
classrooms
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 are redundant. As
a
Correct article usage
the
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 author of
this
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 essay, I totally disagree with
this
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 statement
due to
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 the limitation in
communication
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 skills and the lack of assistance during studying. First of all, learning in the traditional classroom provides
students
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 the opportunities to meet other
students
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 and friends. In other words, assisting their
communication
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 abilities through working with other
students
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,
while
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 e-learning does not have many opportunities to talk with classmates or teachers.
For example
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, interactive activities and live discussions allow
students
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 to enhance their
communication
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 skills and confidence during talking with strangers. Not only that
,
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, but
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studying in an active environment
also
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 brings back joy and comfort to the
students
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 by assisting and giving advice in order to elevate each other.
For instance
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, sitting in a class where learners are all around makes asking for help or telling jokes way easier.
In addition
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 to
this
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, the existence of traditional
classrooms
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 is becoming vital
due to
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 the development of technology. More subjects being modern and having some experiments leading to courses
such
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 as physics or chemistry
are being needed
Wrong verb form
need
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the
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apply
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live instructions from the teachers, which e-learning does not have.
For instance
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, having a science laboratory at home is not budget-friendly and
also
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 unsafe for everyone to practise with. In conclusion, traditional
classrooms
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 are vital
that
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and
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 can not be replaced or defined as redundant because of
communication
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 skills, a comfortable learning environment and the experiments that some subjects need face-to-face instruction.Online classes make conventional
classrooms
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 unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples

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clear comprehensive ideas
Make sure ideas are clearly and comprehensively expressed. For instance, instead of saying 'leading to e-learning has exploded', you could say 'resulting in the explosion of e-learning'. This makes the sentence clearer and more grammatically correct.
complete response
While your response is mostly complete, make sure to cover all aspects of the question fully. For example, you could expand more on how e-learning can supplement traditional classrooms rather than replace them completely.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant specific examples such as the need for live instructions in subjects like physics and chemistry. This strengthens the argument against replacing traditional classrooms with online learning.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, giving a clear stance on the topic and summarizing the main points effectively.
logical structure
The logical structure is clear and ideas flow well from one paragraph to the next. This makes the essay easy to follow.
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