IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that watching tv is bad for children, while others claim it has positive effecs for children as they grow up

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There can be little doubt that
let
Wrong verb form
letting
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 watch
TV
Use synonyms
 or not is a highly debatable discussion point.
This
Linking Words
 author contends that watching
TV
Use synonyms
 is necessary for education, despite those who believe that watching
TV
Use synonyms
 causes bad influences. It must be understood that Television offers a lot of
programs
Use synonyms
 that contain information, knowledge, sciences, history, etc. Those
programs
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 can help the
children
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gain a lot of information available and stimulate the
children
Use synonyms
 to think more creatively and innovate.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, watching
TV
Use synonyms
 can help the parents in educating them. They do not have to teach their
children
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 on learning something new about nature, and societies.
For instance
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, educational series like Discovery Channel and National Geographic can help
children
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 to understand nature's phenomenon.
However
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,
TV
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also
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 comes with some drawbacks that affect their morality and social awareness.
For example
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, drama series or action movies that show murderers, kidnappings or even money corruption can poison
children
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's minds.
Additionally
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, there are many internet providers that can block dangerous
programs
Use synonyms
 for
children
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. In conclusion,
TV
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 has both benefits and drawbacks.
Hence
Linking Words
,
TV
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's benefits are greater than its drawbacks,
also
Linking Words
 parents should watch and manage their
children
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 to avoid watching violent
programs
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.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, make sure to clearly link each idea to the next. Using more transitional phrases and connectors (e.g., furthermore, additionally, in contrast) can improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to offer a more balanced view by addressing counterarguments in greater detail. You could also strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
To achieve a clearer presentation of ideas, make sure to elaborate on your points with specific examples and details. Avoid general statements without sufficient backing.
task achievement
Be consistent in your use of verb tenses and ensure subject-verb agreement to improve clarity and grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
You've effectively included both the positive and negative aspects of children watching TV, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument more easily.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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