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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that teenagers are happier than adults, but others do not agree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #teenagers #adults
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Older generations believe that the younger societies are easier to be joyed, whilst some of them believe the opposite. They thought that the youth had fewer responsibilities than the older people, making it easier for them to be happy.
Nevertheless
, the
adults
 feel that they have more
resources
 for doing fun activities than the younger people, making them happier than the others. Daily needs were a source of payments where those are sources of pressure, where those are the
adults
' responsibility.
Thus
, the youth had their daily expenditures covered by their parents, subjugating the least amount of bills they needed to think about.
As a result
, they have the least responsibilities compared to the older folk. To support that statement, a social experiment was conducted by experts, where they were asked how they acquire happiness. The result shows that most of them are excited when they get a toy from their father. That proves how easy it is to make
children
 feel joy.
While
 some grown-ups believe that
children
 have their families to pay the bills, others believe
that is
 an indicator of the wealth of
resources
 they have.
This
 proves that they already have plenty of
resources
.
Consequently
, they can do a plethora of things from that.
Additionally
, they
also
 can explore new things more freely than the younger ones. A survey was done by researchers as evidence for that. 75% of
adults
 think that they are choosing to be old rather than being young.
That is
 proof that the
adults
' statement of them being happier than
children
 is correct. In Short,
Children
 have the least responsibilities than other generations and that makes them the happiest generation.
However
, the older people are, the more
resources
 they have, prompting more varied activities that make them happy.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, but there could be a clearer stance throughout the essay that ties everything together cohesively.
task achievement
Some ideas are not fully developed or supported with specific examples. Consider providing more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, transitioning between points could be smoother. Consider using more signposting language to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the precision and clarity of your language. Ensure that each sentence contributes directly to your argument and is free from redundancy.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in providing a complete and coherent argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant points on both sides of the argument, showing a balanced discussion of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your overall argument is logically structured, making it easier for the reader to follow your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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