IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people tjink everyone should be a vegtarian , becouse we do not need to eat meat to stay helthy . To waht extent do you agree or disagree

#people #tjink #vegtarian #becouse #meat #helthy #waht
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 world there are a
lot
 of vegetarian individuals than nonvegetarian humans,so that type of community as well as dissolves and doctors said, that when society eats healthy
food
 maybe they will live longer than humans who eat a
lot
 of meals.When
people
 eat a
lot
.
meat
 leads to weight gain and obesity
then
 affects the circulatory system and
worst
Correct article usage
the worst
show examples
 case it causes a person to have a short
life
 span Depending on the method of cooking
meat
 or beef products whether it is. If all types of
food
 boiled or steamed of course it is useful for a person's body.
On the other hand
, it is definitely a loss that is fried and cooked in a different way. On the other side, the population need healthy
food
.
Moreover
, most
people
 are crazy about
meat
 and fast
food
 so junk
food
 80 per cent of it is made from foodstuff
also
 it is not healthy
food
. If
people
 would like healthy
food
 they eat more and more fruit or vegetables. Nowadays numerous
people
 eat a
lot
 of
meat
 because
meat
 is supremely yummy and tasty
food
.If
people
 would like to have a longer
life
 and
also
 a healthy
life
 more and more healthy
food
 than fries or junk foods.
For example
, every day they eat rice or vegetables and
also
 kind of build crops. They are very useful and helpful for all types of human bodies. In conclusion, the population protect their
life
, most importantly It is able to refrain from eating
meat
,
that is
, from obesity and laziness. Because that time health comes first
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your argument is clearly presented in the introduction and that it is systematically developed in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer and more logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that points are logically connected.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., “furthermore,” “however,” “in addition”) to link your ideas and points effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This helps illustrate your arguments clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides reasons to support the opinion on vegetarianism.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy ways to consume meat, as well as the benefits of eating vegetables.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: