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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many major urban centers, overpopulation is a pressing issue. What are the key factors driving this population growth, and what strategies can be implemented to address this problem effectively?

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Introduction
In the twenty-first century, overpopulation has become an increasingly urgent concern.
This
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 essay will examine the primary cause of
this
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 problem and propose feasible strategies to address the issue effectively.
Body · 1
One of the principal causes of
this
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 challenge is that many cities have adult immigrants moving from rural to urban areas.
This
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 occurs because they have better opportunities for jobs, education, or healthcare.
This
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 leads to overpopulation. Another compelling factor is that many
families
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 have higher
birth
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rates
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,
while
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 death
rates
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 of elderly citizens are declining.
This
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 stems from the fact that the government cannot measure the
birth
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rates
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 of many
families
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, and it cannot provide better preventative measures for its citizens.
As a result
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, many countries have crowded and structure unenough for all people,
such
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 as hospitals, universities, or jobs.
Body · 2
To address
this
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 growing issue, it is essential that the government take decisive action by encouraging
families
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 to reduce the
birth
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 rate and keep a nuclear family
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
such
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 as in Japan, where they only have one or two children in a family. It is recommended that
this
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 approach be prioritised because it helps reduce congestion in the city. Another visible suggestion is to government should have more support programs for many nuclear
families
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.
This
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 could be achieved when
birth
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rates
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 in urban areas are reduced.
Conclusion
In conclusion, overpopulation challenges remain a complex and multifaceted challenge that demands immediate attention.
While
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 urban areas have immigration
rates
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 growing and
birth
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rates
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 higher than death
rates
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 are identified as the key driving factors, encouraging citizens to reduce
birth
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rates
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 , and governments should have more support programs for the nuclear family, these represent meaningful and actionable steps that can help mitigate
this
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 challenge significantly.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain causes, but your solutions need more detail and clearer action.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph for causes and one for solutions is good, but each point needs better explanation.
task response
Give a more specific example. The Japan example is brief and not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with simple words like 'because', 'so', 'for example', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating 'many' and 'birth rates'. Try simple varied words to make ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
You answer both the causes and the solutions, so your essay stays on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a simple overall structure that is easy to follow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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