IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many scientists and tourists would like to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South Pole. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some scientists and those who like to travel rather prefer to visit
oversea
Correct your spelling
overseas
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 natural fields,
such
Linking Words
 as
South
Correct article usage
the South
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 Pole.
However
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,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
Linking Words
such
Change preposition
to such
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 lands most likely be more dangerous than any other
due to
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 the fact that nature is untamed by itself.
On the other hand
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, experiencing the unknown and seeing the unseen are two feelings which can not be felt without exploring. It is agreed that it is quite
unnessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
, risky and unworthy in every way.
Firstly
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, exploring and finding out are essential for enhancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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knowledge, science and
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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.
Also
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, travellers who
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 already toured the world do not have anywhere to travel but extreme places.
Moreover
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, having a high budget can reduce the possibility of dangering your life with expensive
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 or safety gadgets.
For example
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, researchers found
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a new living creature South Pole and safely returned their home with the help of
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 years ago.
Secondly
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, it is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 matter of life and
death
Use synonyms
, no matter how important is the subject or how curious the scientists are.
Furthermore
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, it is
one
Correct determiner usage
a
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time
Correct your spelling
one-time
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 only and not repeatable as a vacation or a journey. Even though having a high budget, the risk of
death
Use synonyms
 and freezing will not be zero anyway.
Traveling
Change the spelling
Travelling
show examples
Change preposition
to these
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these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of places
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 neither wise nor worthy enough to spend
such
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 big budgets.
For instance
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, a group of scientists are frozen to
death
Use synonyms
while
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 doing research
Change preposition
at
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
South
Correct article usage
the South
show examples
 Pole. To summarize,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should not get rid of travelling
Change preposition
to extreme
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extreme
Change the word
extremely
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 conditional places
compeletely
Correct your spelling
completely
 to continue gaining data but it should not be just for fun and journey or vacation
due to
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 the high risk of
death
Use synonyms
 or injury caused by the extreme conditions.

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs to have clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments. Each idea should be clearly introduced and sufficiently developed. Consider starting each paragraph with a clear main idea before diving into examples and details.
task achievement
While you have included examples, make sure they directly support the point you're making. The example about researchers finding a new living creature could be more directly tied to your argument about safety and budget reducing risks.
task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. This can also help in making your essay clearer and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Improve grammatical accuracy and sentence structures. Some sentences are a bit awkward and could be clearer with better grammar and word choice. For example, 'traveling such lands most likely be more dangerous than any other' could be 'traveling to such places is likely to be more dangerous than any other.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion directly reflects the arguments made in your body paragraphs, briefly summarizing them and reinforcing your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic well and states a clear opinion.
task achievement
You present balanced arguments, recognizing the potential benefits and risks of traveling to remote natural environments.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is well-organized.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Remote natural environments
  • South Pole
  • Scientists
  • Tourists
  • Climate change
  • Ecosystems
  • Ecotourism
  • Conservation efforts
  • Pollution
  • Delicate ecosystems
  • Safety risks
  • Harsh climate
  • Unique access
  • Invaluable data
  • Local economy
  • Global awareness
  • Scientific advancements
  • Unpredictable climate
  • Financial costs
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