IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Advances in science and technology and other areas of society in the last 100 years have transformed the way we live as well as postponing the day we die. There is no better time to be alive than now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#advances #science #technology #areas #society #years #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often said that developments in science, technology and society
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over a decade have brought us a different life that could expand our living quality, so
that is
 why we are living the life
that is
 worth the most. From my perspective, I partially agree with
this
 opinion and I will elaborate on it in the following paragraphs. On one hand,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the past decade
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 shown that human civilization has been growing gradually to new levels.
For instance
, a technological innovation went from a big machine called the computer, which was equal to the size of a house, to a compact laptop, which is the size of a book, which we are using today. The smaller the size it gets, the more convenient usage for us, so we can bring it and do the work everywhere we please.
Moreover
, medical advancements
such
 as vaccinations, antibiotics, and medical imaging,
it has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been increasing our well-being and helping us to cure diseases that our ancestors had never thought of.
Therefore
, we can observe the
world
 is remodelling positively and we are having the best time to live in.
On the other hand
, the opponents argue that the civilized transformation
occurred
Correct pronoun usage
that occurred
show examples
 led to many environmental problems.
This
 can be noted that the environment has been degraded remarkably,
for instance
, we have been suffering from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hazardous heat which has been escalating by approximately one Celsius degree each year for over 10 years. At the same time, rapid technological growth
also
 challenges the
world
 with cybersecurity threats, privacy concerns and job automation. To recapitulate, in my opinion, we should not only be happy in
this
 modern
world
 but
also
 involve our skills,
therefore
, we can adapt to the modern
world
 and focus on solving the problems that may occur.
Submitted by beautytear13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your response is complete and addresses the prompt effectively. However, make sure to address both sides of the argument more equally to provide a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You have presented clear ideas, but some sentences could be phrased in a more concise manner. Pay attention to sentence structure to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that all your paragraphs are equally developed to maintain balance.
coherence cohesion
Although your main points are generally supported, strive for more depth in the elaboration of each point. Expanding on your examples and explanations will improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with distinct paragraphs, making it easy to follow your argument. Good job on having a defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have covered multiple aspects of the advancements and challenges in modern society, which is commendable. This shows a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Life expectancy
  • Medical advancements
  • Innovations
  • Quality of life
  • Transportation
  • Agricultural developments
  • Food security
  • Educational reforms
  • Cybersecurity
  • Privacy concerns
  • Automation
  • Environmental concerns
  • Climate change
  • International cooperation
  • Developed and developing countries
What to do next:
Look at other essays: